CLUNY'S CORNER Cluny@ClarionIsh.Com

Earlier this fall my master, Miss Leashemup, and I watched the Tennessee-Georgia football game on TV. My master watched intently as the teams rolled up and down the field scoring points. The game ended with two last second scores to decide the game. I preferred to watch my heroes UGA VI and Smokey, the teams’ mascots, both of whom are doggies. At the end of the game, like two sports stars, they met at midfield and smelled each other’s derrieres in front of 104,000 fans and a national TV audience. I decided right then and there that I’d missed my calling. I should be a college football mascot!

I tried to figure out where I could fit in. Perhaps I could do without Cluny-clips, grow my hair long, and be a miniature buffalo mascot for the University of Colorado Buffaloes. Or maybe I could learn to squat on my hind legs and act like a Golden Gopher. That would get me in as the mascot for Minnesota. The next thought I had was to get some horns and do a stand in for the Texas Longhorn, but then I realized people might think I was auditioning for a remake of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. All of these ideas were a bust.

One college I explored really looked promising. This was being the mascot for the Georgetown Hoyas. I really don’t know what a Hoya is, but I noticed they used a bulldog as a mascot. I felt they could switch and use me, a Yorkie, as their mascot. Finally my master told me that hoya was a Plains Indian word for buffalo dung or buffalo chips. Well I got my ‘hoya’ together and decided to look elsewhere.

Then it came to me...a disguise. I could adorn feathers and be a Seminole, an Aztec, or maybe an Illini. Maybe I could pass as a Oregon Duck, a Miami Ibis, or even as a (gasp) Florida Gator. But Halloween is over and I missed the sale on costumes. Gee this is tough.

I guess I may never really make it as a college football mascot. Since I am a Yorkie, I may get to be a mascot for an English Cricket team in Yorkshire, England. That may be a good move for both the Clarion Issue and me. May be my master and the other writers would do better as part of the English paparazzi!
Email me:Cluny@ClarionIsh.com