CLUNY'S CORNER Cluny@ClarionIsh.Com

 

THE ‘CLUNY THE CLAIRVOYANT’ PSYCHIC HOT LINE

Now that the psychic hot line, run by Yoruee Dell Harris, a.k.a. Miss Cleo, has been shut down, the fine stock holders, CEOs, and editorial staff here at the Clarion Issue and Southern Domains.com have agreed to allow me to open our own free advise and psychic reading on line enterprise. I know this is a major undertaking, so Miss Daisy, my new girlfriend, will assist me. I plan to open the new enterprise as soon as my psychic name, ‘Cluny the Clairvoyant,’ can be copyrighted.

The first thing you need to go into the fortune telling business is an eight ball and a few tea leaves. I sent my master and his girlfriend, Miss Leashemup, to K-mart to get me some of these items along with a few cans of Alpo and a box of Scooby Snacks. I also told him to get me and Miss Daisy new rhinestone dog collars so we would look like the successful psychics we would soon be.

Of course we will need a few other items for those particularly difficult patrons, so I decided to have Miss Daisy search E-Bay for Miss Cleo’s going out’a business sale. Here we found a good “fire sale” on Tarot Cards, Voodoo dolls, crystal balls, and other such paraphernalia, complete with instructions on how to use them. We even found a gypsy wagon complete with satellite dish, phone, and high-speed computer hook ups. Boy was my master surprised when he came home one day and saw that gypsy wagon parked in the front yard right beside his pink flamingos.

Next, I needed a swami turban to go with my new rhinestone collar. I decided to steal a turban from Fatwah al- Jihad, the Saluki next door, while he was busy arguing with his four female companions. I believe he will be one of the first to check in with the ‘Cluny the Clairvoyant’ hot line. Fatwah will probably ask if his 72 female companions he gets in that big Jihad in the sky will be as much trouble as the four he has on earth. I only hope he doesn’t ask who stole his turban.

We got Miss Daisy a nice sun, moon, and star ensemble from the Lumber City Mall-Mart, and we found her a Harry Potter hat worn by Cartman on South Park at E-Bay. Now we are ready.

If you or any of your friends need love, financial, or any other advice, just e-mail us at Cluny@ClarionIsh.com. We accept cash, Scooby Snacks, and all major credit cards.

Man, what a country!

Write me, ‘Cluny the Clairvoyant,’ and Miss Daisy for a free reading: Cluny@ClarionIsh.com … “Your on line psychic!”

Email me:Cluny@ClarionIsh.com