The Clarion Issue

Most Americans see and feel the Bush administration's gift to the oil and gas companies every time they pull into the gas pumps for a fill up, assuming they can even afford to fill up, a top off or just five dollars worth. However, in April the Republican controlled Congress presented the big banks of America with their 'thank you for your support' offering, the Bankruptcy Reform Law of 2005.

The Bankruptcy Reform Law represents the biggest rewrite of the bankruptcy code in a quarter-century and marks the second major change in law to benefit business since Republicans increased their House and Senate majorities in the 2004 elections. The measure would require people with incomes above a certain level to pay credit-card charges, medical bills, and other obligations under a court-ordered bankruptcy plan.

The new law sets up an income-based test for measuring a debtor's ability to repay debts. Individuals with insufficient assets or income could still file a Chapter 7 bankruptcy, which, if approved by a judge, erases debts entirely after certain assets are forfeited. Those with income above the state's median income who can pay at least $6,000 over five years ($100 a month) would be forced into Chapter 13, where a judge would then order a repayment plan. The legislation also would require people in bankruptcy to pay for credit counseling.

Supporters of the law and the financial services industry argue that bankruptcy is frequently the last refuge of gamblers, impulsive shoppers, divorced or separated fathers avoiding child support, and even multimillionaires who buy mansions in states with liberal homestead exemptions to shelter assets from creditors. Others indicated that the legislation would save American families an average $400 a year in higher interest rates now charged to consumers to recoup losses from those who abuse bankruptcy proceedings. However, the Clarion Issue wants its readers to note that if they are waiting on a $400 refund or lower interest rates from the credit companies they had better not hold their breaths.

Democrats were furious that the Republican leadership did not allow any of the 35 amendments they had proposed earlier to be voted on. They particularly wanted provisions that would exempt from the new bankruptcy requirements military personnel returning from Iraq and Afghanistan, and people whose indebtedness is the result of financial identity theft.

Many critics of the new law point out that the act does not encourage the credit companies to act responsibly when issuing credit, nor does it curb any of the abuses in the credit card system. The typical interest rate charged by a credit card company is 18-20% which is nothing short of usury. If the 'Christian, compassionate conservatives' in Republicans in the Congress and Bush administration really preferred Christian values as they claim, the would impose a reasonable interest rate cap on unsecured credit and even note that the Christian Churches forbade usury until the 1550s.

The law also did not cover or hold credit card companies responsible for the extension of credit to individuals at high risk of defaulting on their loans. The typical American (including college and high school students) receives over 50 credit card offers in the mail and 20 offers by phone each year. It is estimated that a typical college student graduates with $20,000 of credit card debt to be paid back at 18% interest, and many high school students with credit cards have no secure income to begin with. How can the banks justify these practices? The people who pay their bills, including the 20% interest charges, in fact are paying for the credit companies poor choices to issue credit to high-risk individuals.

America also needs a true health insurance overhaul. Consumer experts indicate that between 50 to 60% of all bankruptcies occur due to medical expenses. Even people with health insurance can become overwhelmed with debt from a major hospital stay or catastrophic illness. While most Americans are able to cover the day to day expenses, one illness can leave a working class family struggling to pay off thousands of dollars in hospital fees, a situation that puts the family and individuals in a hopeless position.

Meanwhile, America needs better consumer education. This needs to come from our schools, homes, religious institutions, and the banks and credit card companies themselves. Credit card applications need to stress the annual percent of interest charged and the cost to pay the loans back over time. Our homes need to stress thriftiness, not consumer spending. Most schools do offer courses that include consumer and credit issues, and they need to be expanded and mandatory.

Finally, America's businesses need to move to a more cash friendly mentality. Why must an individual put up a credit card to reserve a room in a hotel? Doesn't our money say "This note is legal tender for all debts, public and private." For baby boomers, many of our fathers never had a credit card, and most of them never declared bankruptcy either.

SOCIAL SECURITY'S FUTURE
By James J. Martin

Recent news headlines presage about the looming troubles and dilemmas facing Social Security. Most would agree current recipients are in no imminent danger of losing their benefits, or having their benefits reduced. What remains in the fog ahead is the future of this social program, which has financially aided Americans for over 75 years. Pressing questions need to be answered. Is Social Security misunderstood? Will the privatization of accounts save Social Security?

Due to the Stock Market crash in 1929 and the Great Depression that followed, the US economy came to a virtual standstill. This left an overwhelming number of workers unemployed and unable to find work. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the Social Security Act in 1935, forming a federal program for unemployment insurance, old-age pensions, aid to dependent children, and offering federal grants to states for workers' insurance plans and medical care. Disability insurance was added to the Social Security program in 1954, and Medicare was added in 1965.

The present program is a pay-as-you-go system in which the taxes paid by current workers are immediately sent to current retirees as benefit checks. Surplus money is put into a trust fund for use when taxes don't cover benefits. That means the system can only function when the benefits paid to retirees are equal to or less than the Social Security taxes paid by workers. Social Security's future financial troubles will arise due to fact that more and more Americans are living longer, and American families are choosing to have fewer children. This suggests the retiree portion of the U.S. population is increasing and the worker portion is decreasing. This is the real quandary facing Social Security.

Social Security is a pay-as-you-go program, and by law, no one has "earned" Social Security benefits or the benefits "owed" to them. In 1960 the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the federal government is not obligated to pay Social Security benefits to anyone, and the government is entitled to cut benefits at any time.

This is what makes the privatization of accounts attention-grabbing. Private accounts would give the workforce, and not the federal government, partial control over the money they pay into Social Security. The hard truth is that Social Security benefits will have to be cut, taxes raised, and the retirement age increased regardless of whether a private account scheme is put in place or not. However, the accounts do mean workers would know that some of their money will be there for them in the future, and workers' ability to earn investment income on the accounts will make the impending benefit cuts and tax increases a little easier to deal with.

Finally, the Federal government needs to look at fixing the entire American retirement system. Many pension plans get swallowed up in corporate takeovers, lost in corporate bankruptcies, or fall victim to poor management in union or company accounts. There needs to be better governmental and private regulation of these accounts, so the money is available to the pensioners when they reach retirement age. The problems with Social Security are only part of the problem facing retirees in America's future.

THE BUSH CRITERIA
By Hampton Blount

When we think about issues like life and death the last thing we think of is politics. Politicians, social critics, pundits and reporters are not the processionals we usually think of when we consider who should help us decide when it is time to end life. We live now in a political climate that considers everything fair game. There are no issues to sacred, or to private to be used for political mileage.

The most noted instance of private issues becoming political hand grenades in recent memory has been the Terri Schiavo case. Politicians on every side of the political spectrum weighed in with sound bite ready statements that were pre-tested and guaranteed to appeal to their core followers. Priests and ethicists weighed in with the theological and moral ramifications of the situation. While this case was the most covered and most passion inducing one in recent years; it is not the first time these issues have been dealt with.

The week before Terri Schiavo died a 6-month-old boy in Texas named Sun Hudson, was removed from his life support system and he died. The small boy had a congenital heart disease that made it impossible for him to live without life support. A disturbing twist to this story is that the boy's mother did not want the boys life support removed. The hospital staff considered the fact that the baby did not seem to be getting better. The hospital also gave careful consideration to the fact that the boy's mother was out of money.

Under Texas law a hospital can decide to stop delivering life support if a patient cannot pay for the care they are receiving. The only protection afforded the families of the afflicted by this law is a ten-day period during which you they may try to find another medical facility to take the patient. One can well imagine the success rate in getting a hospital to take on a patient whose insurance has run out.

Therefore, after viewing Sun's lack of improvement and his mother's lack of resources the hospital decided to unplug him. For ten days Sun's mother begged other Hospitals to accept her son, but no hospital accepted.

Hudson was removed from life support and he died.

Some political commentators were surprised that Sun Hudson's case did not become the media circus that Terri Schiavo's case was. It would seem that the case of a six month old baby being allowed to die, in part because his parents had no money, would be very fertile ground for national political parties who have aligned themselves with the concept of life being sacred.

As the then Governor of Texas it was George Bush who signed the Texas Futile Care Law into law. As governor, President Bush felt like a recommendation by a team of doctors, and a person's ability to pay were ample information in deciding life or death. As President, George Bush did not believe the prognosis by Terri Schiavo's doctors, the wishes of her husband, or multiple court rulings in favor of Schiavo's husband were adequate. In accusing the Florida courts of failing Terri Schiavo, President Bush said, "In cases like this one, where there are some serious questions and substantial doubts, our society, our laws and our courts should have a presumption in favor of life."

One could only assume the president no longer feels ability to pay should be a criteria.

"BRING 'EM ON" A CLARION ISSUE WAR UPDATE
CASUALTIES AS OF APRIL 22, 2005

US SERVICE PERSONNEL KILLED IN IRAQ ………..1,561
US SERVICE RERSONNEL WOUNDED IN IRAQ ……….. 11,664
US SERVICE PERSONNEL KILLED IN AFGHANISTAN……..178
US SERVICE PERSONNEL WOUNDED IN AFGHANISTAN……. 534

TOTAL CASUALTIES ……………………………….. 13,937
TOTAL COST …………………….$165,500,700,000

"A catastrophic success."
Pres. George W. Bush

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It is clearly a pretty good price."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape. He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

One Saturday morning a deer hunter gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the gun and goes to the garage to warm up his truck and head down to his favorite hunting area.

He backs his truck out of the garage and discovers the rain is really pouring down, It is like a torrential downpour. There is also some snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 MPH. He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so minutes later, he puts his truck in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed. There he cuddles up to his wife's back. Now with a different anticipation, he whispers, "The weather out there is really terrible." To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out hunting in it?"

The "Low Self-esteem Support Group" will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. in the Church Hall. Please use the back door.

"What I think the president ought to do is he ought to get on the phone with the OPEC cartel and say we expect you to open your spigots.… And the president of the United States must jawbone OPEC members to lower the price."

Kang (King)- a male monarch.
Quane (Queen)- a female monarch.
Crown Ju/els (jewels)- What Prince Charles, William, and Harry try to protect while fox huntin' or playing polo.
Wind/zer (Winsor)- The house where then there Royals live.
Toe suckin'- What them there Royals make the hired help do while sun bathin' on the Riv/e/air/er (Riviera).
Dutch/ess (Duchess) of Corncob (Cornwall)- The new title of that there Cameller (Camilla) Parker Bowels ( Bowles) woman.
Nat/zee (Nazi)- What Prinz (Prince) Harry likes to dress up like for formal occasions.

Charlene- "Bubba, can I get me one of them there fancy hats like Cameller Parker Bowels woman wore to her weddin'?"
Bubba- "Shucks Charlene. Whut's so special 'bout them hats?"
Charlene- "Well Bubba, they gots all kinda fancy feathers all over them and they's stylish."
Bubba- "Well Charlene, I could fix ya up one after a bird shoot."
Charlene- "Bubba, it ain't the same. I want one like Quane Liz/beth eye-eye (II) has. One that looks like she come up a yard sell with a batch of J. Edger Hoover's feather boas for sell."
Bubba- "Quan Liz/beth eye-eye. Ain't she that funny lookin' old lady with the funny wave an' funnier hats?"
* * *

Sketer- "Hey Slim, did ya catch any of Prinz Charles and Cameller Parker Bowels royal weddin'?"
Billy Ray- "Naw, but I heared that they done it twicted. Once in front of a magnet (magistrate) and onced in front of one of them their Bishop fellers in Windzer Castle."
Sketer- "Well Elvira watchted it and said they had to confess their sins using a long prayer from some thin called the 1611 Book of Prayer."
Billy Ray- "Yeah, I'll bet it took a while; I've heared they's been at it over 30 years while they'as both married to another folk."
Sketer- "They's gona call her the Dutchez of Corncob. Why ya think that is?"
Billy Ray- "Probably 'cause she looks like someone removed the Sears catalog from her out house and left her with nothin' but corncobs!"

* * *
Univ. Of Bama College girl #1- "What ya'll think Prinz William wore to his Daddy's weddin'?"
College girl #2- "I dunno (southern contraction for don't know). But I'll bet twenty dollar that Prinz Harry wore his Natzee uniform!"

CUPCAKES LEGAL IN TEXAS SCHOOLS: TEXAS LEGISLATURE PASSES 'CUPCAKE CLARIFICATION' AMENDMENT

What does the Texas Legislature do when they are not passing laws that allow hospitals to take patients off life support against the wishes of the family when the family cannot afford the care? They pass 'cupcake clarifications,' evidently attempting to dodge any 'cupcake confrontations' caused by their 'cupcake confusing' legislation.

In an unanimous vote March 9, 2004, Texas Legislators cleared the way for public school students to nibble on the cupcakes, complete with candy sprinkles, to celebrate their birthdays. The awe-inspiring nonpartisan political action occurred amid a tense debate over education funding. The governor and legislature praised bold the action while noting that, "very little political capital was used in the nonpartisan 'cupcake clarification' legislation."

Lauren Dunnam, daughter of Texas House of Rep. member Jim Dunnam (D-Waco), prompted the measure. Dunnam said, "We have an opportunity to really make the children happy here," as he asked fellow House members to approve the measure requested by his school-age daughter. Dunnam said he would call the amendment "Lauren's Law," but the tern 'cupcake clarification' has stuck to the legislative action.

The 'cupcake confusion' began in March 2004, when Texas Agriculture Commissioner Susan Combs, whose agency oversees the state's school lunch program, imposed new healthy food rules for the state aimed at limiting or eliminating junk food and food that competes with cafeteria fare. By August, soon after setting the new rules, Combs was forced to issue a "cupcake clarification" stating that cakes and cupcakes could be brought to school for birthdays.

Educators and parents alike see the 'cupcake clarification' as a way to encourage parental participation in schools and allow certain PTA-sponsored celebrations like "Donuts for Dads," threatened by the initial action of the state's Agriculture Dept., to continue.

Of course Texas lawmakers could not resist making jokes during the debate over the 'cupcake clarification.' Republican Rep. Peggy Hamric asked Dunnam, "If we vote for this, can we all call you Cupcake?" "As long as I can call you Sugar Plum," Dunnam replied. Another lawmaker insisted that this 'cupcake clarification' was "Just icing on the cake."

According to the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, peanut butter, which was given a bad rap during the low fat, low calorie craze of the 90's, is back on the healthy if eaten in moderation list. Peanut butter is rich in protein, and it is full of important nutrients like Vitamin E, Folate, niacin, thiamin, riboflavin, vitamin B6, and essential minerals such as copper, phosphorous, potassium, zinc, magnesium, and iron. Peanut butter also contains fiber and monounsaturated fats, both of which contribute to a healthy heart. Children who ate peanut butter at breakfast indicated that they felt full and had more energy to get them through to lunch.

The federal government's latest dietary guidelines say peanuts, which contain unsaturated fats, can be eaten in moderation. Portion size is important. People should limit themselves to one tablespoon a day or the equivalent of two peanut butter sandwiches a week. "Now we know that the type of fat found in peanuts is actually good for us. It doesn't clog our arteries like saturated fat. It helps keep the arteries clean," according to Lona Sandon with the American Dietetic Association

But that's only if you don't overdo it, and that's the part that often trips up peanut lovers. There are 14 grams of fat in one serving of peanuts, which is only one ounce. A handful can have up to 200 calories. "The problem is that the portions need to be low so you don't overconsume the calories. That's where the public has a disconnect," said Madelyn Fernstrom, director of the Weight Management Center at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center. "It's a well-spent 200 calories if you can limit it to that. The problem is volume. It's very hard to have a small serving of peanuts, meaning a small handful."

Peanuts have been found to contain a small amount of resveratrol, the antioxidant in red wine that has been linked to the "French Paradox," a low incidence of heart disease among the French, despite their love of cheese and other high-fat foods. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has authorized a qualified health claim for peanuts and some tree nuts. Producers can now claim they may reduce their risk of heart disease by eating 1 1/2 ounces of nuts daily.

Snack peanuts can be found in many lunches and are eaten from vending machines on jobs across America, while peanut butter is one of America's favorite foods. Peanut butter can be found in about 75 percent of American homes and is considered to be a staple like bread and milk.
Federal agencies report the total consumption of peanuts jumped last year to nearly 1.7 billion pounds, compared to 1.5 billion pounds the year before. The amount of snack peanuts eaten climbed to 415 million pounds in the 2003-2004 crop year, the highest since the mid-1990s. The peanut butter industry reported that peanut butter consumption soared to 900 million pounds, from a low of about 700 million in the '90s.

A Ft. Lauderdale man was taken into custody on April 15th after he put five bullets into his green 1994 Chrysler LeBaron LX. According to John McGivney, he shot the car to "put the car out of its misery. The incident occurred in the parking lot of his apartment complex in the Florida city.

Spokespersons for the Broward County sheriff's department said deputies responded to a report of gunshots at the Lauderdale-By- The- Sea apartment complex. They ordered McGivney to come out of his apartment, and arrested him on a misdemeanor charge of discharging a firearm in public. The 64-year-old McGivney admitted that he had pumped five rounds from a .380-caliber semiautomatic into the hood of the LeBaron. The police report filed from the scene listed the car as "deceased." McGivney was jailed and released on a $100 bond a day later.

McGivney told reporters that the car had been giving him trouble for years and had "outlived its usefulness." He went on to say, "I think every guy in the universe has wanted to do it," and added, "It was worth every damn minute in that jail." McGivney admitted that the shooting was "dumb" and worries that he might be evicted from the apartment complex. However, he doesn't regret shooting the car and admits that he feels better since it happened.

Since 1992, the Jefferson Muzzle Awards have been awarded annually by the Thomas Jefferson Center for the Protection of Free Expression. The yearly award winners are announced on or near April 13, the birthday of Thomas Jefferson, as an attempt to draw national attention to abridgments of free speech and press and, at the same time, foster an appreciation for those tenets of the First Amendment. Since the importance and value of free expression and free speech goes far beyond the First Amendment's limit on government censorship, various actions of private censorship are not spared consideration for the dubious honor of receiving a Muzzle. This year the Center for Protection of Free Expression reminds us of Jefferson's admonition that freedom of speech "cannot be limited without being lost," by awarding Jefferson Muzzles to the following people.

The 2005 Jefferson Muzzle Awards went to such freedom of speech assailants as Alabama State Representative Gerald Allen whose 2004 proposed legislation would prohibit the use of public funds "for the purchase of textbooks or library materials that recognize or promote homosexuality as an acceptable lifestyle." His purported goal was to protect children from the "homosexual agenda," and include bans on
Tennessee Williams' "Cat On A Hot Tin Roof," "A Chorus Line" and even Shakespeare's "As You Like It" from being performed by university theater groups or read in college literature courses. Allen defends his bill claiming it does not censor anything but merely prevents the expenditure of taxpayer dollars to purchase materials that "deal with homosexuality or other immoral lifestyles." Allen deserves a muzzle, as does Georgia State Representative Ben Bridges.

In 2005, Bridges launched the most extreme assault to date on the teaching of Darwin in the nation's schools since the Scopes' trial in Tennessee during the 1920s. Bridges introduced a bill that would permit public schools across the state to teach only "scientific fact," a measure specifically designed to discredit Darwinian hypotheses since they were only "theories." According to Bridges, " It's in the book that [evolution is] a theory, but these teachers teach it like it's a fact. Let's teach them the truth or don't teach them anything." For seeking to curb intellectual and academic freedom in this way, Rep. Ben Bridges was awarded a 2005 Jefferson Muzzle. Let's remember that at one time "the world is flat" was a scientific fact!

NASCAR, The National Stock Car Racing Commission, also received a 2005 Jefferson muzzle for recently instituting a policy that penalizes competitors for use of foul language. Earlier in the racing season, in an effort to prevent the FCC from scrutinizing the organization and its broadcasters, drivers were warned by NASCAR's president Mike Helton to control their language. The penalty provision is based solely on speech, punishing the iteration of certain language regardless of the context in which it is used. As a result of this policy, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt, Jr. was fined $10,000 and docked 25 points for committing what NASCAR considers a "language infraction." The violation occurred during a nationally broadcast interview that occurred in Victory Lane just moments after winning his fifth race at Talladega Superspeedway in Alabama.

Three school administrations at Minnesota's Climax-Shelley High School have earned 2005 Jefferson Muzzles for over enforcement of the dress code. A dozen students at the consolidated rural school in Climax-Shelly, Minnesota arrived one day wearing T-shirts that sported the slogan, "Climax - More than Just A Feeling." The slogan was created during the town's centennial celebration in 1996, and used in advertising and promotions. For years students had worn clothing bearing the slogan, but the school superintendent suddenly announced the ban on the slogan in 2004. When the 12 students wearing the shirts were ordered to turn them inside out, all but one complied. Senior Bethany Grove refused, insisting that the town slogan was well recognized, and that "the T-shirt has been a tradition." School officials, pursuant to a policy against clothing with "objectionable signs" and "T-shirts that are suggestive in any manner," suspended Grove for the balance of the school day.

Other 'muzzles' announced in the 14th Annual Jefferson Muzzle awards included the Democratic and Republican national parties for allowing authorities to curb protests during the 2004 presidential race, the US Marshals for confiscating and erasing journalists' recordings of a speech by Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, and a Virginia state bid to legally ban hipster jeans that exposed the tops of women's underwear. To see all the winners and view a more detailed description of their actions visit www.tjcenter.org .

Previous Jefferson Muzzle winners have included: Baseball Hall of Fame President Dale Petroskey, CBS Television, and the South Carolina House of Representatives in 2004, United States Attorney General John Ashcroft, Washington, D.C. National Zoo Director Lucy Spelman, and the Tennessee Arts Commission in 2003, and The United States Department of Defense and Secretary Donald Rumsfeld and Principal Donald Nutt of Georgia's Dacula High School in 2002.

The Jefferson Muzzle Awards and the Ig Nobel Prizes have served as the model for the Clarion Issue's Thathlothlaguphka Award. The Thathlothlaguphka Award is a local award given for abject stupidity or total incompetence to a local official, body politic, or politically connected contractor or company whose actions have negatively affected the people in the area. The name Thathlothlaguphka comes from the Native American name for the St. Marys River and means "smells like rotten fish." If you wish to nominate a person, group or company please feel free to e-mail your choice to apearson@ClarionIsh.com , along with your name and why you feel they deserve the award. Look for the official announcement in our end of summer issue and find out who wins this year's Second-First Annual Thathlothlaguphka Award.

Are you always hitting the snooze bar on your alarm clock looking for that extra few minutes of sleep? Do you wind up doing a 'Dagwood style' rush for work? If you answered yes to these questions then you may be a serial oversleeper, and the good folks at Massachusetts Institute of Technology's Media Lab have a product for you.

Gauri Nanda, a 25-year-old a researcher from India, has developed an alarm clock that rolls off the stand, skirts across the room, and actually hides from the constant snooze puncher, forcing the snoozer want-a-be to get up and search for the alarm clock. The new product is called "Clocky." When the snooze button on "Clocky" is pressed, the clock rolls off the bedside table and wheels around the bedroom floor bumping into things, before settling on a place to hide. There it lies in wait for 10 minutes before ringing again. It chooses a new hiding place every time and will force even the laziest, sleepiest person to wake up and search for it. According to Gauri Nanda, "'Clocky' is designed to get sleepyheads moving."

Clocky looks like a furry roll of toilet paper or a log with wheels attached at both ends. Nanda indicated that while "People are always talking about finding a gentle way to wake up. I wanted something that's annoying like a dog, that forces you to get up, but that you love even though it's annoying." The furry covering was added in the hope that it would look endearing and stop people throwing it out of the window in anger.

Nanda said she is in the process of getting the "Clocky" patented and experts believe that "Clocky" will be available in stores in about a year. "Clocky" has a built-in microprocessor ensures that it rolls off the bed stand in a new direction and makes a series of different turns, so that its hiding place changes each morning. Because it uses simple technology, MIT says the clock, which has yet to go into production, would cost less than $25. This could be the perfect Christmas gift for that annoying office worker who is always late for work, or obnoxious Uncle Ernie who can never be on time.

Experts expect a lot of resells on "Clocky" and hardware salesmen report an expected rise in the sale of hammers at the same time.

In a good-humored election in April 2005, voters at Story, Indiana's Story Inn's Saloon, elected Mark Carmichael, a 26-year-old resident, as the 'village idiot.' Carmichael is the inn's maintenance man, and he won in part for an incident in which he cut through a live wire while using a circular saw to replace the inn's galvanized steel roof. However, he also gained votes by damaging his 1998 Dodge truck the day after he purchased it by getting it stuck on top of a whiskey barrel planter outside the inn.

However, Carmichael has more than the afore mentioned feathers in his village idiot cap, one of which was the pig roast incident. Carmichael recalls the time he "cooked a couple of hogs out there on some bedsprings." He cut the carcasses in half with a chain saw, then used a pitchfork to turn the meat as it cooked and ended up serving up the portions with a hatchet. He said, "'People loved it," and the BBQ was dubbed cooking "Louisiana style."

Carmichael can tell you all his adventures along his odyssey to 'village idiot' over a beer or two at the Story Inn's Saloon because the prestigious title of 'village idiot' comes with a $100 bar tab from that august establishment that is located about 40 miles south of Indianapolis.

However, Carmichael was not a shoo-in for the position. Several other contenders were in the running for the 2005 'village idiot' award according to Rick Hofstetter, who owns the inn.

Also in the mix were Evan McMahon, a bartender, who opened an $80 bottle of Chalk Hill Chardonnay to make a $6.50 wine spritzer, Kathy Newhall, Story Inn housekeeper, who used French truffle oil from the kitchen, which costs $50 for a 3-ounce bottle, to quiet a squeaky toilet seat, two Story Inn regulars that knocked themselves unconscious while opening their car doors (probably after too many libations), and a man for burning down his front porch after not fully extinguishing a cigarette in a full ashtray.

Oh well, it's all in fun, but be careful when answering you phone the next few days. It may be your village calling saying they've lost their idiot, held a new election, and you have just won. Here at the Clarion Issue we've taken our phones off the hook.

For over a year the US House of Representatives has forestalled dealing with House Majority Leader Tom Delay of Texas, for the obvious reason that the Republican dominated body does not wish to punish its own, especially a major cash cow like Delay. While the House ethics committee has from time to time scolded the Majority Leader or his illegal and unethical indiscretions, they refuses to take action to rightly discipline Delay, a man who obviously feels he is above the rules. Indeed, the Republicans have tried twice to amend the rules, both their own and the House's, to accommodate Delay's transgressions.

On April 24, 2005, Americans awoke to the not so startling news that Tom Delay's 2000 golf trip to Britain was charged to an American Express card issued to Jack Abramoff. Abramoff is a Washington lobbyist at the center of a federal criminal and tax probe. The news also broke that DeLay's expenses during the same trip for food, phone calls, and other items at a golf course hotel in Scotland were billed to a different credit card of a second registered Washington lobbyist, Edwin A. Buckham. House ethics rules bar lawmakers from accepting travel and related expenses from registered lobbyists. Delay obviously broke the rules.

House Majority Leader Delay has indicated that his expenses on this trip were paid by a nonprofit organization and that the financial arrangements for it were proper and within the rules. He has also said he had no way of knowing that any lobbyist might have financially supported the trip, either directly or through reimbursements to the nonprofit organization. However, Delay is lying.

There is now evidence that lobbyist's footed the bills and Delay even precipitated a cover up. Receipts for Delay's hotel stays in London and Scotland, including the bills for his golfing trip to St. Andrews course in Scotland, showed that most of Delay's expenses on the trip were billed to charge cards used by the two lobbyists. The invoice for Delay's plane fare lists the name of what was then Abramoff's lobbying firm, Preston Gates & Ellis. Many sources, including Susan Hirschmann, Delay's chief of staff in 2000, confirmed that Delay's congressional office was in direct contact with Preston Gates about the trip's itinerary. Therefore, DeLay's statement that he had no way of knowing about the financial and logistical support provided by Abramoff and his firm has to be a lie.

Last year the House ethics committee admonished Delay for three separate issues but did not find that he violated House rules. A district attorney in Texas is investigating potentially illegal corporate contributions to a Texas political committee started by DeLay. Reports also indicate that Delay has raised over $5 million for his reelection bid. Delay obviously expects a real challenge in 2006, if he is not in jail.

Meanwhile, half the nation is hoping that the rules can be changed so Delay will escape with his leadership and power in tact. This means he can find more politically expedient causes like the Terry Schiavo case to adopt and to threaten activist judges, many of whom were appointed by Republicans, because they make rulings based on law and rule in a manner in which he does not like. The other half is hoping that Delay will finally face justice before the House ethics committee and the law. Some Republicans are complaining that Delay is being prosecuted by the press. Well if the nation is waiting for the House ethics committee to act, they are likely to see Justice 'Delay'ed.

The World

RUSSIAN COMPANY DEVELOPS 'EXTEND YOUR DRUNK PILL'

To much wadka? Tee many martoonies? The same company that brought you the RU-21 anti-hangover pill has now developed a pill that will extend or enhance your inebriation. Yes spirits fans, the Spirit Science corporation that developed RU-21 under KGB guidance now has a pill that can extend or enhance your alcohol high. The alcohol-enhancing drug is known as RU-21 Red.

Spirit Sciences is based in Los Angeles, California, but it has research facilities in Russia. Many of the present scientists working for Spirit Science once worked on secret programs for the Kremlin and KGB.

Company co-founder Emil Chiabery, who was born in the Soviet republic of Georgia, indicated that if you take a tablet you need less alcohol to stay drunk. "RU-21 Red prolongs drunkenness and enhances intoxication." Chiabery added that the company may not market the drug saying, "I'm not sure I'm going to market it in the USA. I don't want it to become a party drug. We are for responsible drinking." Chiabery also indicated that he did not drink.

The new pill, RU-21 Red, contains grapevine extracts intended to slow down the oxidation of alcohol and keep the user drunk or on an extended alcohol high. RU-21, the company's original product, has acid ingredients that are natural anti-oxidants and reportedly rid the body of some of the harmful by-products of alcohol breakdown that lead to hangovers. RU-21 is sold as a natural dietary supplement in the US and Britain. It officially claims to help prevent long-term diseases associated with moderate alcohol intake.

However, the company makes no secret of the fact that its hangover cure is aimed at partygoers anxious to avoid the debilitating morning-after effects of heavy drinking. The company sponsors concerts and pop groups, and even markets RU-21 with a video showing KGB types in the shadow of the Kremlin handing over a briefcase of money in exchange for the secret formula. Spirit Science earns hundreds of thousands of dollars a year in sales in the US and UK.

So if you have had a few martinis (shaken not stirred of course) and need to loose the hang over, simply reach for the RU-21, but if you run out of booze at 2:30 a.m. and find all the liquor stores closed, simply reach for the RU-21 Red. If in doubt, ask yourself WWJBD? (What Would James Bond Do?)

KING TUT MAY HAVE DIED FROM BROKEN LEG: COURT VIOLENCE RULED OUT BY TWO-MONTH EXAM

On March 8, 2005, Zahi Hawass, head of the Egyptian Cultural Ministry's antiquity department, announced that King Tutankhamen apparently died from natural causes in 1355 BC at the age of 19 and was not the victim of regicide. An Egyptian team, which was assisted by three foreign experts, performed 1700 X-rays on the mummy during the past two months and found no evidence that young King Tut was killed. Earlier theories indicated that Tut was killed in a palace coup after a hole was found in his skull, but the recent tests have ruled out that possibility. According to Hawass, "The team found no traces of a possible blow on the back of the head of the Pharaoh."

The results of the high-tech CT scan did suggest that just days before his death, Tut might have suffered a compound fracture to his left thigh, one that allowed the bone to puncture the skin. This injury would have caused tremendous pain and allowed a dangerous infection to set in and kill the king.

The CT results provided the most revealing insight yet into the life of ancient Egypt's most famous king, who ruled 3,300 years ago. Tutankhamen was a well-fed, healthy, yet slightly built 19-year-old, about 5 feet, 6 inches tall, at the time of his death. This was the first time his age has been established, but it is in the ballpark of the historic records that are available. Tut had the typical overbite characteristic of other kings from his family and a slight cleft palate, which did not cause a cleft lip or other facial deformities. He also had large incisor teeth and his lower teeth were slightly misaligned.

Hawass indicated that if Tut's leg injury had occurred postmortem (mishandling during embalming or upon discovery in 1922) then his death at 19 was surprising. The king appeared to be healthy and suffered no infectious diseases or major childhood malnutrition. Hawass also speculated that Tut may have died from poison, another popular theory surrounding the palace coup theory. Hawass said, "We are going to look at his viscera to see if his organs show any signs, but it is virtually impossible to prove how he died." Hawass, however, did not give any details on how or when those tests would be performed.

Tutankhamen came to the throne of Egypt in 1345 BC. His name means "the living image of Amun," the sun disk worshiped by Akhenaten and his queen Nefertiti. He was probably the son of Akhenaten (originally Amenhotep IV) the heretic king of the eighteenth dynasty that tried unsuccessfully to convert Egypt away from its polytheistic religious beliefs in favor of the worship of the one god Amun, the sun disk. His mother was probably Queen Kiya, one of the king's secondary wives. Ankhesenpaaten (or Ankhesenamum), his older half sister, became his queen. However, some Egyptologists believe that Tut may have been the brother of Akhenaten, and therefore, a son of Amenhotep III.

The politics of the era became entangled with court and religious intrigue after the death of Akhenaten. The believers in the old religion tried to stage a comeback to power in both the Pharaoh's court and religious control. Many historians believe that Tut was murdered as part of the court intrigue, perhaps by poison, or even deliberately set up in battle to be killed. Soon after his death in 1355 BC, the religious crisis in Egypt ended, and the old religion was restored.

Tutankhamen is the best-known pharaoh of ancient Egypt, mainly because he was so insignificant that people forgot about him and did not look for his tomb that survived in tact until its discovery in 1922 in Luxor's Valley of the Kings. The tomb was discovered by Howard Carter and opened by Carter and his patron Lord Carnarvon in November of that year. Because of the unimaginable wealth uncovered in the tomb, Tutankhamen became a household name, and his magnificent treasures became the measuring stick for all future archaeological discoveries. The untimely demise of many of the major participants in the find also led to rumors of curses and spells cast centuries ago in the land that is, as Herodotus once proclaimed, "the gift of the Nile."

AXUM OBELISK RETURNS TO ETHIOPIA

The Government of Italy has return the ancient Axum obelisk to Ethiopia thus ending a dispute over the religious monument taken to Rome 70 years ago by the troops of Dictator Benito Mussolini. In 1937, the Italian dictator ordered the seizure of the 25-metre obelisk from the Ethiopian religious city of Axum, more than 800 kilometers north of the capital, Addis Ababa. The monument was erected in downtown Rome as a war prize from Italy's invasion of Ethiopia in 1935.

The 2,500-year-old obelisk was cut into three pieces and returned to Ethiopia at the expense of the Italian Government during March and April of 2005.

The Axum obelisk of is a 2500-year-old, 78-foot tall granite obelisk that weighs over 100 tons. It is believed to have been carved in or around the 4th century BC in the Axumite Kingdom, an ancient Ethiopian culture. The Obelisk of Axum is a pre-Christian structure and is closely associated with the civilization that is believed to have given rise to the legendary Queen of Sheba, whose liaison with Israel's King Solomon is covered in Biblical texts. The monument has a rectangular base with two false doors carved on the bottom, while small windows and disk patterns decorate the shaft up to the top. The obelisk ends in a semicircular top part, which used to be enclosed by metal frames. The structure may symbolize a tower leading to heaven, and several other similar obelisks exist throughout Ethiopia.

The obelisk was cast into the international spotlight in 2003 when it was struck and damaged by lightning. Several large pieces at the top of the historic monument crashed to the ground as a result. While the return of the obelisk was important, Italy has still not returned two other major items taken from Ethiopia during World War II. Italy still holds Ethiopia's national archives and former Emperor Haile Sellasie's pre-war airplane. In 1947 Italy signed a pledge to the United Nations to return all of the property plundered from Ethiopia, but has not followed through on the promise.

SEARCHING FOR SAINTS

During the funeral of the late Pope, John Paul II, young Catholics chanted for the church to make John Paul II a saint immediately. Pope John Paul II certainly deserves to be canonized as much as any other contemporary Catholic, with perhaps the exception of Mother Theresa. John Paul II studied for the priesthood during the Nazi occupation of Poland during World War II at a clandestine seminary. As pontiff he helped bring down the Iron Curtain in Europe, helped to spread ecumenism throughout out the religious communities, worked to maintain world peace, encouraged the spread of the faith in the developing nations and made Catholicism relevant for many Catholics especially the young. The Clarion Issue applauds the life and works of John Paul II and hopes to see him elevated to sainthood, along with Mother Theresa.

However, there still remains work to be done in the cause of expanding the protection of the Saints into the needs of modern society. Beginning around the turn of the century, the church began a search for a patron saint of the internet. Early contenders for the job included the Archangel Gabriel, Saint Clare of Assisi, and Saint Isidore of Seville. Today, it seems that St. Isidore, who wrote the first Christian encyclopedia, is the front runner in the search for the protector of internet surfers.

St. Isidore was born in Cartagena, Spain, about 560 AD. His elder brother Leander was his immediate predecessor in the Metropolitan See of Seville and his younger brother St. Fulgentius was the Bishopric of Astigi. His sister Florentina was a nun, and over saw about forty convents. Whether Isidore ever embraced monastic life or not is still an open question, but though he himself may never have been affiliated with any of the religious orders, he esteemed them highly. On his elevation to the episcopate he immediately constituted himself protector of the monks. In 619 he pronounced anathema against any ecclesiastic who should in any way molest the monasteries. On the death of Leander, Isidore succeeded to the See of Seville. His long incumbency to this office was spent in a period of disintegration and transition. The ancient institutions and classic learning of the Roman Empire were fast disappearing.

In Spain a new civilization was beginning to evolve itself from the blending racial elements that made up its population. For almost two centuries the Goths had been in full control of Spain, and their barbarous manners and contempt of learning threatened greatly to put back her progress in civilization. Realizing that the spiritual as well as the material well-being of the nation depended on the full assimilation of the foreign elements, St. Isidore set himself to the task of welding into a homogeneous nation the various peoples who made up the Hispano-Gothic kingdom. To this end he availed himself of all the resources of religion and education. His efforts were attended with complete success. Arianism, a major early Christian heresy which had taken deep root among the Visigoths, was eradicated, and the new heresy of Acephales was completely stifled at the very outset through the efforts of St. Isidore. Both Isidore and Leander took a prominent part in the Councils of Toledo and Seville.

St. Isidore wrote many books and is considered the last of the ancient Christian Philosophers as well as the last of the Latin Fathers of the Church. The most important and by far the best known of all his writings is the Etymologiae, or Origines, and was the first Christian encyclopedia. His other works include: Synonyma; the De natura rerum a manual of elementary physics; and the De ordine creaturarum that deals with various spiritual and physical questions such as the Trinity, the consequences of sin, eternity, the ocean, the heavens, and the celestial bodies.

Today St. Isidore is recognized as the Patron Saint of computers, computer users, and computer programmers. An extension of that patronage to the internet seems a very likely possibility. St. Isidore died on April 4, 636, and April 4 is his feast day.

Of course there is always a prayer associated with the saint and activity that is to be prayed before embarking on the undertaking in need of protection. While praying for protection against hackers, avoiding a flood of spam and porn in your e-mail and good connections may seem akin to praying for victory before a sporting event, a prayer has been proposed for the faithful to say before logging on. The prayer reads, "Almighty and eternal God, who created us in Thy image and bade us to seek after all that is good, true and beautiful, especially in the divine person of Thy only-begotten Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, grant we beseech Thee that, through the intercession of Saint Isidore, bishop and doctor, during our journeys through the internet we will direct our hands and eyes only to that which is pleasing to Thee and treat with charity and patience all those souls whom we encounter. Through Christ our Lord, Amen."

However, before the prayer becomes official, the Clarion Issue wishes the Church to review the word 'patience' in the prayer. We seem to remember something in Job about not praying for 'patience;' because the lord will try you. Maybe the words "wisdom to work with" would be better.

Another group of good Christians in search of a Patron Saint are gun owners. In an 2001 article entitled "Gun Enthusiasts Aim For Patron Saint," the Clarion Issue reported that the National Rifle Association was leading an effort to have St. Gabriel Possenti proclaimed as the Patron Saint of gun owners and self-defense. St. Gabriel Possenti, already canonized in 1920 by Pope Benedict XV as the Patron Saint of college students, is reported to have defended an Italian village against a marauding band of mercenaries in 1860.

The defense of the village is recorded in the book One Year Book of Saints, by Reverend Clifford Stevens and relates this account of the incident.

"On a summer day a little over a hundred years ago, a slim figure in a black cassock stood facing a gang of mercenaries in a small town in Piedmont, Italy. He had just disarmed one of the soldiers who was attacking a young girl, faced the rest of the gang fearlessly, then drove them out of the village at the point of a gun."

According to the story when the leader of the band scoffed at the Priest's ability with a gun, Possenti pointed the firearm at a lizard running across the road and shot the unlucky reptile clean through the head.

Church authorities indicate that while St. Gabriel Possenti lived a life 'renowned for sanctity and miracles," no evidence exists to substantiate his defense of the village. St. Gabriel Possenti died of tuberculosis at the age of 24 before his abilities with a firearm could be proven and verified.

Today, the St. Gabriel Possenti Society is located in Arlington, Virginia, is working to promote Possenti's appointment as the Patron Saint of gun owners and marksmen. At their web site at www.possentisociety.com you can buy the book Gun Saint by John Snyder, head of the society, who points out the St. Gabriel Possenti "used a handgun for self-defense but never killed anybody," find information on the life of the saint, and discover ways you can help make Possenti the Patron Saint of gun owners.

The feast day of St. Gabriel Possenti is February 27th. Maybe one day there will be shooting matches all over the world on that day in honor of St. Gabriel Possenti, Parton Saint of college students and gun owners.

The World Health Organization has reported a deadly outbreak of the Marburg virus in Angola. According to the WHO, the Marburg virus is similar to but worse than Ebola, both of which are a type of hemorrhagic fever. The WHO launched an emergency appeal for 3.5 million dollars to "intensify the fight" against the outbreak which is the largest ever recorded and still growing.

So far the epidemic is centered in the area of Uige, a town in northern Angola. Over 200 deaths have been reported since Marburg first surfaced in October, but authorities believe that there are unreported cases in the area. Victims include at least 14 healthcare workers.

The Marburg virus spreads through contact with bodily fluids such as blood, excrement, vomit and saliva, but it is not an airborne disease. The virus can be contained with relatively simple health precautions according to experts. However, the WHO has recommended that four neighboring countries: Congo, the Democratic Republic of Congo, Namibia and Zambia go on a Marburg alert.

Victims suffer a high fever, diarrhea, vomiting and severe bleeding from bodily orifices and usually die within a week. The initial outbreak appears to have spread through a pediatric ward in Uige. More than 60 percent of the victims so far have been children.

The Marburg virus is named for the town in Germany where it was first identified in 1967 after monkeys from Uganda infected laboratory workers. Scientists do not know the source of the virus or how the current outbreak began, but they suspect that the virus was transmitted from a bat.

On April 20, 2005, the world's largest iceberg, iceberg B-15A, crashed into an Antarctic glacier, snapping off a three-mile chunk, and reshaping the coastline of Antarctica. The iceberg is over 71-miles long and is the size of Luxembourg. The iceberg contains enough water to supply the Nile for 80 years, or enough water to satisfy the requirements of the British Isles for 60 years.

A huge iceberg, iceberg B-15 calved (broke away from) the Ross Ice Shelf in March 2000. It split into two parts in November 2003, and the larger iceberg, B-15A, has been heading toward McMurdo Sound ever since. The gigantic iceberg was expected to hit the 45-mile long Drygalski ice tongue near the McMurdo Sound in Terra Nova Bay months ago, but the iceberg became stranded on a sandbar near the tongue. The stranded iceberg began starving penguins and blocking ships supplying research stations near the area.

Scientists believe that if iceberg B-15A becomes trapped in the bay it will continue to interfere with the penguins' feeding routes and will even affect the flow of water from the bay. B-15A is so huge that it has blocked wind and water currents that break up ice floes in McMurdo Sound during the Antarctic summer. The fate of the iceberg and thousands of penguins now depends on whether the currents can carry B-15A out to the open sea without it getting lodged in the Terra Nova bay.

The slow moving iceberg began to cause scientists concern in 2000 when the iceberg broke away from the Ross Ice Shelf and headed north. The presence of the huge iceberg began to cut adult parent penguins off from the open sea and the food needed for them and their young to survive. With the blockage of McMurdo Sound in Terra Nova bay, thousands of Adele penguin chicks are facing starvation as parent birds are forced to trudge up to 110 miles to open sea to gather food and 110 miles back to the rookery.

The scientists believe that the iceberg causes real problems for the estimated 50,000 breeding pairs of Adele penguins stranded near McMurdo Sound rookery that is now miles from the open sea due to the presence of B-15A. The penguins need quick access to the open sea to catch krill to feed themselves and their growing chicks. Keith Reid, a penguin expert with the British Antarctic Survey in Cambridge, said: "Adeles will often walk a long way back to their colonies to breed in the expectation the ice will disappear during the time they are incubating the eggs. But that has not been happening; the ice hasn't been blowing out." With thousands of eggs hatching the adult penguins must commute across the sea ice to the sea for food and this big iceberg has created a much longer walk. The walk costs them a lot of energy because it takes more energy for penguins to walk instead of swim. Adult penguins wind up using most of their food in the struggle to get food back to their nests. When they realize they cannot feed their chicks they will abandon them.

Biologists in New Zealand predict that only 10% of the breeding penguins near the McMurdo Sound rookery will raise a chick this year. The penguins are important to scientists as markers of environmental change. The iceberg is threatening colonies in the area that scientists have been studying for 25 years. Penguins at the Cape Royds and Cape Crozier rookeries are also in danger. Penguins carry the food for their young in a pouch in their necks and will eat it themselves if they are hungry enough. Peter Wilson, New Zealand's project leader for the study of the four Adele penguin colonies in the region, said he was sure all the colonies would survive but expects their numbers could decline by up to 70 percent.

A. A person who makes statues of the gods
B. A person who conducts tours of a cathedral
C. A member of the staff at the Vatican archives
D. An instructor in the art of Zen mediation
E. A novelist who writes about cannibalism
F. A magician in medieval Europe

Answer F. A theurgist was a medieval magician who mixed theology and magic. Nostradamus has been described as a theurgist.

TO PLACE YOUR TOWN’S EVENT ON THE SOUTHERN CALENDAR
Email the information to: apearson@ClarionIsh.com