CLUNY'S CORNER Cluny@ClarionIsh.Com

EVERYTHING'S JUST DUCKY IN D.C.

As a major reporter and columnist for a major news source like the Clarion Issue, I have to keep up with important news stories around the nation and the world. One of the really important news stories from the spring of this year was the story of T-Bill, the treasury duck, that built a nest and hatched 11 ducklings outside the U.S. Treasury in downtown Washington, DC.

T-Bill was a Mallard duck that made her nest on a fresh heap of mulch near a tree on the sidewalk of Pennsylvania Avenue, just outside the heavily guarded entrance of the Treasury Department. The Treasury is right next door to the presidential residence so T-Bill's nest had plenty of protection from the police and Secret Service officers. The Secret Service even erected metal stanchions around the tree and nest to protect T-Bill from passersby and to afford a little privacy for T-Bill and her eggs.

T-Bill became famous and was featured on all the morning television shows and even CNN. A Treasury spokesman named Rob Nichols said he was getting more calls about T-Bill than on the Chinese currency issue. T-Bill also got many important visitors like Treasury Secretary John Snow. Snow was briefed on the duck and visited her often, and I'll bet even President and Mrs. Bush and even the twins, visited T-Bill. T-Bill became so famous that she had to assume aliases like "Duck Cheney," and even had to adopt the code name "Quacks Reform" (a take off on 'tax reform') for clandestine activities to be named later.

In late April, T-Bill's 11 eggs hatched, and in early May T-Bill and her 11 duckling were moved to an undisclosed location reported to be a park with a creek that flows into the Potomac River. T-Bill's undisclosed location was located near the undisclosed location used by Vice President Dick and Lynn Cheney. The government biologists moved T-Bill and her ducklings in the back of a red government pickup truck to the undisclosed location and the ducks were released into a holding pen to get acclimated to the park. Then Lynn Cheney read them the story of the "Democratic Duckling." The story is about a Democratic duckling that is always left out or at the end of the duckling line because he feels and thinks different from the Republican Ducklings in control of the nest. Finally his party wins an election and forces the Republican ducklings to be tolerant of all ducks and ducklings around the pond. After the story, T-Bill and her ducklings went to the pond and headed out for a swim and, they hoped, into obscurity.

People, newsmen, reporters, playwrights, folk song writers, Rap artists, and poets now argue over the symbolic nature of T-Bill's experience. Some critics say it helps show the plight of the urban homeless. President Bush plans to use T-Bill's treatment as a classic example of how 'compassionate conservatism' works for the homeless and how recovery can be made by using faith and perseverance. Ministers around DC used T-Bill and her dedication to her nest and ducklings in sermons about 'family values.' Other observers felt T-Bill was calling attention to the need for wetlands preservation and some thought it was a political stunt to keep peoples' minds off the rising cost of dog food, rabies shots, and Lassie DVDs. As for me, it was just a great story for all my readers with an important moral at the end. Recessions, wars, and closure votes all come to an end, but as long as your ducks are all in line and there is water and hydrilla nearby, all is right in God's world.

Write me, Cluny@ClarionIsh.com .