CLUNY'S CORNER Cluny@ClarionIsh.Com

GORE'S LOCKED BOX FOUND IN IRAQ

As my master and I watched the Iraqi war on TV we were totally astounded one day when our guys found a series of locked, metal boxes in what appeared to be a concrete shed in Baghdad. Much to our surprise, the locked boxes turned out to hold hundreds of millions of US dollars. I immediately realized that our guys had finally found Al Gore's lock box! You know, the locked box that had been missing since the 2000 election.

I for one had thought that the locked box had been lost in the Florida recount. I felt that some petty federal or state bureaucrat had put it in with the recounted ballots and that it was lost in a sea of governmental duplicity and stupidly. Now the locked box has been found, and it contains plenty of cash, which is just as good as money. I was glad to see the lost boxes found because we can now save social security. I'm not quite sure what social security is, but I think it helps older doggies when they can no longer fetch, play catch, or go get the paper. It may also somehow help with vet bills.

Shortly after the discovery of Gore's locked box, the war ended and they all started playing cards. I did not understand the card game they were playing; they only used the low cards like the three of spades, the five of diamonds, and the eight of hearts. I think they were playing some type of "Iraqi got ya;" because, the object seemed to be to capture all the cards. My brothers and sisters played a similar game when we were little doggies at the Happy Yappy Puppy Farm, only we called it battle. After the game the players in "Iraqi got ya" built card houses. I remember one report that said the house of cards was falling, but I failed to see how that was really newsworthy.

With the war over, our guys spent a lot of time looking for the major bad guy named Saddam Hussein. His nickname had to be "Ace" because, when the news people talked about the "Iraqi got ya" card game, he was always called the Ace of Spades. Somehow Ace escaped, but not before his sons Uday and Qusay (these sound like ferret names to me) took four trucks to the bank and loaded them with one billion dollars. I think finding "Ace and the ferrets" should be easy. Just look for the house with four big trucks loaded with money in front and arrest him. That will be more money for Gore's locked boxes and help for older doggies the nation over.

Cluny's note: The TV news people said that Uday and Qusay (the "ferrets") had pictures of President Bush's twin daughters on the wall of their private gym. They must have used the photos from the girl's fake IDs used for underage drinking.

Email me:Cluny@ClarionIsh.com