The Clarion Issue

IN MEMORY OF
Spc. Jonathon Haggin of Kingsland, GA
US Army National Guard
Killed in Iraq on 30 June 2005

PRAYER FOR MEMBERS OF THE UNITED STATES MILITARY
'Father in Heaven, watch over America's sons, daughters, husbands, wives, fathers, and mothers, in their hour of peril. Bring them home safely to their loved ones. Wrap your loving arms around the wounded, and bring to your side the ones who have lost their lives. Let their loved ones know peace of mind from the pain of having lost those who were so dear to them. Let their children learn wisdom as they grow up without their mothers and fathers. Amen.'

On July 7, 2005, just days before the G8 Summit in Scotland, London's transportation system was struck by a coordinated attack from four suicide bombers. During rush hour, three underground trains and a bus were destroyed leaving 52 people dead and over 700 wounded. The devastation of the attacks left the British people in shock. Reaction from around the world showed compassion and concern for the British people.

UN Secretary General Kofi Annan said, "The world stands shoulder to shoulder with the British people" and "they will confront this ordeal with the spirit, courage, and determinations." Annan also said the British were at the forefront of helping the world conquer poverty and global warning.

In an eloquent statement, Nigerian President Olusegun Obesanjo said: "This is indeed an unfortunate time when you at the G8 are doing so much to bring the world together. Mr. Prime Minister Tony Blair do not despair. The World and all progressive humanity are with you. Terrorism in all its forms and ramifications must be exposed, resisted, and defeated."

Prime Minister Zapatero of Spain and former Mayor of New York Rudy Giuliani gave statements of sympathy and compared the attack to similar ones they experienced in Spain and New York. Both men talked of the resolve Tony Blair has and the strong will of the British people.

President Bush, although sympathetic to the British people, was more worried about bringing the perpetrators to justice. He talked of spreading hope and compassion and overcoming the ideology of hate brought on by terrorism. His closing statement said it best: "The contrast couldn't be clearer between the intentions and the hearts of those of us who care deeply about human rights and human liberty and those who kill."

Even the official Iranian statement talked of compassion and sympathy to the victim's families. Iran also denounced the use of violence to achieve objectives. The headlines of the large Iranian newspapers denounced the attack but there seemed to be an underlying tone that the British deserved the attacks because of US and British policies in the Middle East.

One of the top clerics in Iran, Ayatollah Kashani, said the British were attacked because they followed the policies of the US and Israel. He blamed the bombings on the Israeli intelligence agency, Mossad, saying it was a conspiracy to deflect blame to the world of Islam. Kashani also said that al-Qaeda is not part of Islam but an illegitimate child of the West. He blamed the US for starting al-Qaeda during the Russian occupation of Afghanistan in the early 1980's and that the terrorism al-Qaeda has brought upon the western world is divine justice.

Ayman al-Zawahri, Osama bin Laden's right hand man, blamed Prime Minister Blair's foreign policy decisions for the bombings. The al-Qaeda deputy said: "Blair has brought you destruction to the heart of London, and he will bring you more destruction, God willing." He also said the US will see more bloodshed and the Iraqi occupation will make Americans forget about Vietnam.

In Britain, MP George Galloway said the war on Iraq helped spark the attacks on London. The polls from the major newspapers in London show decreasing support for the occupation in Iraq. Prime Minister Blair and President Bush's approval ratings are at their lowest since the war began. The outlook in Iraq is still uncertain.

One major question remains, when will the next terrorist attack occur on American soil? Two weeks after the London bombings, officials thwarted another suicide bombing attempt in the city. Suicide bombers attack in the Middle East almost daily. Most experts believe it is inevitable when the next attack occurs in the US. It's no longer a matter of why but when.

GOVERNMENT AND MILITARY SPENDING
By Sam Merier

While this article is only covering a few items, it is important to remember that virtually everything the government acquires is made by the lowest bidder. From bases, planes, boats, and ships, all the way down to individual weapons, uniforms, equipment, and food, almost everything is made by and produced by the lowest bidder. Does that thought really make you sleep safe at night? What if you are the person who is out there putting your life and everything else on the line? Granted there is quality control in the government-received products, yet how many of you readers would accept all of the lowest bidders when you expect the premium product of highest quality and stake your life upon that lowest bid product? What about staking your son, daughter, wife or other family member's life upon it? Think about it. Our troops do. Their lives and safety depend upon the items purchased by and issued by our government.

In these days of tight budget allotments we have new currency being designed and minted, from nickels to cash paper money (look at the $20.00 bill). We have the military designing new uniforms/utilities for specific branches of the military. There is nothing wrong with that concept if it is a better uniform with a better and more successful camouflage pattern to save our troops lives. The questions arise though, when one asks what happened to the Battle Dress Uniform (BDU) camouflage. (As though one has to dress appropriately to and wear proper attire to go into combat.) That uniform was made for all of the military to be cost effective and save everyone money. However, the American government and people should be realistic and look at what it is costing to retool and make new dies for the coins alone. We have the new Buffalo nickel that came out the first part of this year 2005, and another new nickel coming out the second half of this year 2005. Are these changes really necessary?

Concerning our previous veterans and health care, such as my father and many other men and women, they were promised free health care for life by the recruiters if they completed commitment. The government and Congress have fallen back on that commitment. The government has consistently ignored these men and women, the past protectors of our freedoms.

Currently America and the entire world are at war and fighting a highly dedicated and motivated enemy, an enemy motivated by what most see as an oppressive fundamentalist and fanatical religion. Yet America is cutting back on its military spending and many bases are facing BRAC (Base Realignment And Closure). This can and will cause many veterans to suffer a loss in health care due to the closure of base hospitals and medical facilities. BRAC comes about because of budget constraints and restrictions.

However, many Americans see waste in other government departments and programs. If the budgets are so tight then why spend money on designing and minting new currency? Has anyone noticed the surge of newly designed nickels? While some of our currency has been changed to prevent counterfeiting, how many people counterfeit nickels? It is easy to understand that the various branches of the military want their uniforms to be unique. This distinction helps add pride of the service they represent, just as the various unit and squadron patches of various designs adds distinction, pride, and unity within the units.

The unique uniforms can make it much more difficult for captured service personnel during interrogation, not to mention what it cost to supply all of our forces with unique camouflage patterns and the supply system itself. Does anyone have any idea of how many troops we have? The usual number of government supplied uniforms is, let's say 4 uniforms per troop. A conservative estimate of each uniform consists of, 4 blouses/shirts, 4 trousers/pants, and 1 fatigue jacket, and 2 caps/hats. Let us say for arguments sake that the blouse and trousers cost the individual troop at replacement cost (remember the government is not making money off of our troops and everything is made by the low bidder). The service man or service woman will still have to pay somewhere around $16.00 or maybe more for the blouse and also the same for a pair of trousers, around $8.00 or so for the cap or hat, and around $35.00 or so for a fatigue jacket. (Please note all prices are estimates and the actual cost may be more or less depending on the branch and the military members location. Probably more!)

The Marines were the first to make the jump to a new distinctive camouflage pattern. This might have come about (maybe not) because certain U.S. Army convoys in Iraq started displaying signs that said/declared words to the effect "PROTECTED BY THE U.S.M.C." The USMC convoys reportedly were allowed to pass with out being attacked! Do you really need to ask why? (If you jump on a bulldog, you best expect to get bit and get bit hard and where it is going to hurt the most. Don't mess with 'Uncle Sam's Misguided Children,' just ask the bad guys!) "CARRY ON DEVIL DAWGS! SEMPER FI!"

As a USAir Force vet, I question the individuals that came up with the new USAF utility/uniform design, well actually the first design. It had USAF logo imprinted within the camouflage design. (That was a tad bit much!) Luckily someone listened to the people that had to actually wear the utilities and listened to the feedback. There is a new pattern designed that is currently undergoing trials.

Meanwhile, back to costs and budget, The Government wants to close bases. Our country and way of life are at war. The Government is reneging on promises made to those who kept us safe and protected our way of life, and fought in WWII and elsewhere with guarantees of free healthcare for life that were made to them.

If there is no money to pay the healthcare promised to those vets, who we and the nation owe so much, how can there be enough money to go out and fund and do research for a new combat utility uniform for each branch of the service? (Or new nickels every 6 months or so? Is the new uniform going to save any of our troop's lives or will it make them more or less, of a target, due to the branch of the military they are in being so easily identified? Can we really justify these added expenses when budgets are being tightened and we have members of The Greatest Generation dying everyday and not getting the healthcare they were promised and earned?

Somehow, the Government and politicians always seem to find money to spend in the most innocuous ways and ignore and forget promises made to those who need it most. It also seems that we are forgetting hard lessons learned and trying to "put all of our eggs (military bases) in one basket", so to speak. How many times must we relearn that lesson? Do these shades of Pearl Harbor bring back any memories?

It is easy to forget veterans in peacetime. It is easy to forget the price and sacrifice they made. Veterans did the job they were asked to do. We are still free. It is way past time that we hold our elected officials of all political parties, to be responsible and do the job we elected them to do. It is too late for my father; he passed on June 15, 2004. Maybe it will not be too late for your father or grandfather or other relative or friend.

May God bless all of our troops and keep them safe as possible, a successful completion of the job, and return them home and to their families.

We at The Clarion Issue support all of our troops and wish them a mission accomplished and a safe and soon return home. We also take this time to remind our troops to watch and cover their own and their buddies Six.* We pray and urge everyone to pray for our troops and their families' safety and success, and that they be reunited soon.

No one wants peace more than the men and women who must fight the battles.

RULE OF ENGAGEMENT # 12: 'Remember your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.'

MURPHY'S LAW OF 2 1/2:
'Any military project will take twice as long as planned, cost twice as much, and produce only half of what is wanted.'
Cyrus Vance

*Six-Your back. (Usually, Your Six.) From the Air Force (WW II Army Air Corps) clock system of identifying an object when 12:00 is to your front and 6:00 is to your rear or back.

NEW YORK, NEW YORK (BUT MOSTLY MANHATTAN)
By David S. Pearson

We went in mid-July. It was hot and humid. The Terror Alert Level was high (since the July 7 bombings in London). We enjoyed the trip and would recommend it to anyone.

I have never wanted to go to NYC, ever. As a small town Georgia boy and a baby boomer who grew up watching movies, news, and TV detective stories about New York City, I always believed the city to be too foreign to me. The prices are high, streets dirty and crime ridden, people rude, and sights just too crowded to be worth a trip. The few things I thought interested me were just not worth the effort. These thoughts were incorrect; it is a nice place to visit but I would not want to live there.

Since 9/11/2001, I had sometimes thought it was my duty as an American to visit NYC and spend some money. The part of the city's tourist reliant economy took a major blow. The average New Yorker is not involved in high finance but is reliant on his hourly wage or his service profession that suffered a real but thankfully temporary setback.

I was there with the family simply as a tourist. We spent little time with "real" New Yorkers so I can't reflect a lot on 9/11 and the impact on the citizens. My principal purpose is to describe the visit, convince you it is worth the time, and let you know what to expect.

We began planning the trip in February- 5 months before going. That was necessary to estimate how much it would cost and to guarantee we could arrive, depart, stay at the hotel and get tickets to the shows we wanted to see. I consulted a travel agent to arrange the flight, hotel, and show tickets. The agent also gave us advice on how to find daily tours and other conveniences in the city but did not arrange these for us. I used the internet and contacted the city tourist agency who sent me maps and a travel guide. The family went through these guides and picked the sights we wanted to see. Then we planned a schedule for each day that would allow us to use the geographical location of the sites and routes of bus tours to our advantage. We were only there 5 days so we only saw the things we most wanted to see although the bus tours were very thorough and one can at least see everything in a "drive-by." We arrived early in the morning and departed late in the evening so we could use those travel days as opportunities to see sites.

The hotel we picked was a luxury hotel in Times Square. It will seem pricey to you but consider the location as a way to save cab fair and sightseeing costs. Of course the travel agent had the room for a "special discount." In the center of the sights at Times Square many places are within walking distance. You are within 2 blocks of 90% of the theaters and both the high-end and regular-priced restaurants are inside a comfortable walking distance. All of the tourist bus services and public transportation have easy access there.

There are several guided tour options but I would like to suggest the open-air or double-decker bus tours which allow you to "hop on and off" at specific and convenient stops. I found Grey Line very reasonable; we had a three tour, two-day pass that included a boat tour to the Statue of Liberty, all for about $62 per person. They have several combination packages you may purchase and the more you choose the better the price.

We took a night tour, a downtown tour, an uptown tour, and the Statue of Liberty boat tour; these hit the highlights on anyone's agenda. Famous buildings, stores, historical sites, ethnic neighborhoods, locations of international business and entertainment headquarters, and dining/shopping tips are all part of the bus tours. When you are near something you want to see you just hop off, make your visit, and hop back on. We almost never waited more than 10 minutes for the next tour bus. Narrators seem very knowledgeable and point out every fact from the building where The Apprentice is filmed to the hotel where Malcolm X was shot.

The tours helped us plan which things we wanted to see more closely later in the week but we used the "hop on and off" features to exam many sites. We used the bus tour as transportation to Grant's Tomb, the Battery Park, and Central Park. It was especially convenient to be dropped off at the north end of Central Park, walk through the park, and be picked up again at the south end. For things which required several hours, like the Museum of Natural History, we took cabs.

I was most impressed by the size of the city and simply seeing many things I have always seen in movies, news, and television. The streets in Manhattan are similar to canyons. On every block is some familiar name or place: Madison Ave, Trump Tower, The Ed Sullivan Theatre, MTV, Fox Network, the Flat Iron Building, 42nd St, and on and on.

We never used public transportation. Had we been there longer we would have figured it out. Cab rides are expensive but I suppose reasonable for the service. Taxis appear to be well regulated by the city. The ride is as wild as one imagines- the traffic was quite unique to me. Extremely congested and bumper to bumper yet it flowed along.

Meals are more expensive on average but range from very high end to modest. Location most often dictated the price of food and shopping. If you walk just a few blocks from Broadway or Madison Ave you can reduce a meal or retail item price about 20%. Remember, though, you will only find some things in the high-end places: Toys 'R Us ain't selling FAO Schwartz items and the pawn shops don't have no Tiffany's Jewelry.

We learned how to celebrity watch on Broadway outside the theaters. After the shows each day we would wait around the theatre exit routes of the stars we most wanted to see. We saw John Lithgow, David Hyde Pierce, Christina Applegate and others all within two blocks of our hotel.

The sites I had heard of since childhood, the stars, the shows and the enormity of the city made it worth the five-day trip and $3200 total price tag. Additionally I felt as if I had done a patriotic service. The city seems proud of its survival and recovery. There is boasting of the planned Freedom Tower which will replace the World Trade Center and is planned to be a humble 1776 feet high. That's right, 1776. Are you getting that, anyone out there that wants to harm an American? We believe any number like a 9/11 will never surpass a 1776.

THE SECOND, FIRST ANNUAL THATHLOTHLAGUPHKA AWARD ANNOUNCED BY THE CLARION ISSUE
By R. A. Pearson

Each year the Clarion Issue presents the Annual Thathlothlaguphka Award, a local award for abject stupidity, general idiocy, or total incompetence, given to a local official, body politic, or politically connected contractor or company whose actions have negatively affected the people in the area. The name Thathlothlaguphka comes from the Native American name for the St. Marys River and means "smells like rotten fish." The Jefferson Muzzle Awards, presented by the Thomas Jefferson Center for the Protection of Free Expression, and the Ig Nobel Prizes, presented by the Harvard Computer Society, the Harvard-Radcliffe Science Fiction Association, and the Harvard-Radcliffe Society of Physics Students, have served as the models for the Clarion Issue's Thathlothlaguphka Award.

This year's Thathlothlaguphka Award goes to the county government of Camden County, Georgia. We especially cite the Camden County Commissioners, the County Manager, and the former Chief of the Camden County Fire Department for illegally applying for and receiving two grants from Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA). Federal law strictly prohibits the application for more than one grant per year. As a result the county has to pay back both grants of over $150,000, and over $2,000 interest on the loans. As the Camden County government officials sing "Where Has All The Tax Money Gone," the tax payers wind up singing, "They're a long time passing taxes. When will they ever learn."

A representative of the Camden County government can pick up the Thathlothlaguphka Award for the county by contacting the editor at apearson@ClarionIsh.com . The award winner receives a certificate, a Clarion Issue bar stick, a $25 bar tab from The Island Bar and Grill on Hwy 40, and a $25 dinner from Jimmy Jim's Restaurant on Point Peter Rd.

Honorable mention for this year's Second, First Annual Thatholthlaguphka Award goes to any idiot who would consider paying 500,000 to 850,000 for the 'marsh front' (that is gum-palmetto swamp front) property/townhomes at Cumberland Palms off North River Causeway and the developers of the project. While the land is great for fishing and launching small boats at high tide, it is totally unacceptable for a residential development. The development plans a private recreation center including a swimming pool that will sit on very low land with a high water table while the sand gnats and yellow flies will make the tennis courts and gazebos virtually 'impracticable.' As Robert Sheffield, a local surveyor, EMT, scoutmaster, and naturalist (now deceased) once said, "I've lived here a long time and when a person sees a cypress tree in his back yard it should be telling him something." The Clarion Issue realizes that the developers plan to bring in dirt to build up the area and will probably replace the native cypress trees with palm trees, but one day a category four or five hurricane will sashay up Cumberland Sound and present a major tidal wave that will wash Cumberland Palms away. The water has been over the causeway several times in the past already and Camden County has not had a direct hit since Dora, and then the Beatles were on tour! We recommend all Cumberland Palms residents take out some good flood insurance. In the meantime, there is nothing like a $650,000 home next to a former landfill/trash dump, a current police firing range, and an active sewage treatment plant!

CLARION ISSUE FARTS & FLORALS TO VARIOUS LOCALS

Florals to the governments of Camden County and the great and sovereign city of St. Marys, GA, for their cooperation in the construction of the new sidewalk on New Point Peter Road. Children can now safely walk from subdivision to subdivision, people are walking for their health (many with baby carriages), and vehicles can travel without being encumbered with dodging pedestrians. It was a long time coming. Another service that is a long time coming and has yet to arrive is water and sewage services for the incorporated area west of the road. Several members of the City Council of St. Marys are advocating a plan to develop these basic services for the area. We encourage the council to follow the lead of Councilman Gary Blount (the accountant, not the principal) in his endeavors to implement this plan.

Farts to people who walk their dogs along the new sidewalk on Point Peter and allow their dogs to poop in front of people's mailboxes along the way.

Farts to Hieronymus Bosch, Jr. who had to have designed the drainage system for the Watts St. development in St. Marys, the area behind the Post Office. Homeowners in this area are continually faced with huge pools of standing water creating virtual lakes in their yards. When asked by a Clarion Issue staff member if they paid any extra for these "water front lots, one homeowner replied with a quote that censors will not allow to be printed. Speaking of 'lakes,' the Clarion Issue has reason to believe that the same architect, Hieronymus Bosch, Jr., designed the drainage system for the Lakes subdivision in Kingsland, Ga. Flooding and standing water is a major problem here also.

Farts to the City of St. Marys for their lack of maintenance of the roads drainage systems. The city has allowed grass and other vegetation to grow along the drainage curbs and throughout the storm drains of many roads including Point Peter Road, Highway 40/Osborne St. above the downtown parade route, and along Charlie Smith Sr. (Spur 40) Hwy. This growth causes water backups in the road making driving hazardous in many areas. The city has also failed to maintain drainage ditches such as the ditch along 4th St., next to the former location of Wright and Evans Hardware store. This lack of drainage causes water backups along the drainage system and serves as a breeding ground for dangerous, disease carrying mosquitoes.

Florals to the new generation of adult Boy Scout leaders in the community. Several new troops have been chartered and reactivated in the Camden County area. It's good to see Boy Scouts in the parades and special events in the area. These troops would not be possible without the volunteer work of these adults. Good job men and remember, "No man stands so tall as when he stoops to help a boy."

A Clarion Issue tip of the hat also goes out to our local Girl Scout leaders. We appreciate the job "ya'll gals" do too!

Florals to Steve Berry, Esq., in his role as an author. Berry has put Camden County on America's literary map with his suspense novels. His new book, The Third Secret, is on the New York Times best seller's list. His first book, The Amber Room, and his second book, The Romanov Prophecy, also made the best seller's list.

Farts to the city government of St. Marys. They allowed termites to eat the city's library.

Farts to the homeowner's insurance companies for the increases in deductibles and even dropped coverages in Florida. More darts to all the scavengers, looters, and phony contractors that enter disaster areas and prey on the people. Take notice Camden County, our time will come.

And a special thanks to all our Clarion Issue readers, both the hard copy and the web issue. Keep reading and send us your remarks and letters.

Editor's note: A special thanks to several of our advertisers, Jimmy Jim's Restaurant and the Island Bar and Grill for their contributions to the prizes for this year's Thathlothlaguphka Award. These sponsors are not responsible for the recipient of the award or any content of the article.

"BRING 'EM ON" A CLARION ISSUE WAR UPDATE
CASUALTIES AS OF AUGUST 18, 2005

US SERVICE PERSONNEL KILLED IN IRAQ ……….. 1,8462
US SERVICE RERSONNEL WOUNDED IN IRAQ ……….. 14,000+
US SERVICE PERSONNEL KILLED IN AFGHANISTAN…….. 222
US SERVICE PERSONNEL WOUNDED IN AFGHANISTAN……. 645

TOTAL CASUALTIES ……………………………….. 16,767+
TOTAL COST …………………….$190,000,000,000
US SECURITY CONTRACT PERSONNEL KILLED IN IRAQ…......200+

"A catastrophic success."
Pres. George W. Bush

A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very attractive woman behind him said, "Hello!" Her face was beaming.

He gave her that "who are you look," and couldn't remember ever having seen her before.
Then, noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized. "Look," she said "I'm really sorry but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children," and walked out of the store.

The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, "What is the world coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep track of who fathers her children! "Then he got a little panicky. "I don't remember her," he thought, but maybe during one of the wild parties he had been to when he was in college, perhaps he did father her child!

He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked, "Are you the girl I met at a party in college and then we got really drunk and had wild crazy sex on the pool table in front of everyone?"

"No," she said with a horrified look on her face. "I'm your son's second grade teacher!"

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates, and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything, cleaning, mopping, and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home, including the curtain rods.

A Buddhist monk goes to the dentist, and needed to have a tooth filled. He refused to take any Novocain? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Checks and Balances- When yo checkbook says the same thin' yo bank state/munt says. Accordin' to Bubba, Charlene ain't no good at checks and balances.

Enema Domain (Eminent Domain) - When the government takes your land and house and sticks ya 'where the sun don't shine' on the price.

Elastic clause- 1) A plastic Santa. 2) A clause in the constitution that gets streched out'a shape so it can't hold up nothin'. Sorta like Boo's underwear.

Bill of Remainder (Attainder)- When the government figures out you still have some money left after taxes and sends ya a bill for the remainder.

Quarterin'- A term for makin' all those 'State Quarters' that get folks confused when goin' through their change.

Bubba- "I don't know what I'm gonna do Slim. Charlene don't know nothin' about checks and balances and keeps a bouncin' checks."
Slim- "Maybe Charlene needs to git'er one of them thar new fanged cal/key/laters."
Bubba- "Yea Slim, that's sho' nuff right. But I'm a wishin' the bank would switch to black ink. That red ink they's a usin' gives Charlene a headache and cuts into my lovin' and turtle dovin' time!"
* * * * *

Goober- "Billy Ray do you know an honest lawyer I can hire? I need some legal work done."
Billy Ray- "Gee Goob, I didn't know they was any honest lawyers. I figured they was all crooks. What ya need a lawyer fur?"
Goober- "I got this here legal paper from the County Commissioners sayin' they's gona condemn my property under enema domain for one of them there dee/velop/munts and I had to sell out. What's enema domain?"
Billy Ray- "That's govern/munt talk for when the govern/munt wants yo land and you won't sell it, they can take yo land and stick you up the poop chute on the price."
Goober- "Gee they must have a lot of money."
Billy Ray- "Yeah. You know the Federal govern/munt has a big suppository (repository) of gold at Fort Knox. I learned that by watchin' James Bomb, double ought seven, on TV."

Three Jacksonville, Arkansas, strippers and two nightclub managers have been arrested for allegedly spanking Bald Knob trucker Keith Lowery at his 31st birthday bash and severely bruising his backside. According to investigators with the Pulaski County Sheriff's Office, after his friends paid a fee of $25, Lowery was handcuffed and spanked with a 3-foot-long paddle and a belt while one of the strippers restrained his head with her legs. The arrests occurred in mid July, however, the incident occurred on June 17 at Sensations nightclub in Jackson, a town northeast of Little Rock.

Truck driver Keith Lowery told investigators that he was handcuffed to a pole at the club and set upon by the dancers around 4:30 AM. Lowery, who was celebrating his 31st birthday with pals who paid for his ceremonial birthday whuppin', said that he was injured when the stunt went too far. He claimed that he "begged" the management to stop the paddling and whipping, but that his plea was rejected. Lowery told sheriff's deputies that he suffered bruises so severe that he was unable to sit comfortably for five days. Law enforcement authorities indicate that Kelly Eslick, 21, a stripper at the club admitted that she used a paddle drilled with holes for less air resistance and that two other dancers, Lisa Nolen, 23, and Charlene Smith, 23, used a belt.

The three dancers and two Sensations managers, Dena Mitchell, 30, and James Daugherty, 31, were arrested and charged with a felony count of obscene performance in a public place and the strippers were also charged with a misdemeanor battery count. Participating in an obscene performance at a live public show is a felony punishable by up to 10 years in prison.

The three strippers appeared in Pulaski County District Court on August 4th, and their attorney, Jeff Wankum, entered a plea of not guilty on their behalf. Judge Wayne Gruber set a September 15th court date for their appearance. A civil suit against the three strippers and the club management is also pending in the case.

The renowned Civil War historian and novelist Shelby Foote died on June 27, 2005. He was 88.

Foote was a native of Mississippi and longtime Memphis resident. He wrote six novels, but he is best remembered for his three-volume history of the Civil War and his appearance on the 1990 PBS series "The Civil War" directed by Ken Burns.

Foote worked on the book, The Civil War: A Narrative, for 20 years. He used a flowing, narrative style that enabled readers to enjoy it like a historical novel. Foot commented, "I can't conceive of writing it any other way. Narrative history is the kind that comes closest to telling the truth. You can never get to the truth, but that's your goal." The three-volume set was finally finished in 1974. The work went unnoticed in most circles until Foote appeared in the Burns series. In 1999, the Modern Library ranked Foote's work, now considered a classic, as number 15 on its list of the century's 100 best English-language works of nonfiction.

Foote was born Nov. 7, 1916, in Greenville, Mississippi, a small town in the Delta. Walker Percy was a boyhood and lifelong friend. As a young man Foote served as a "jackleg reporter" on The Delta Star. As a young man he got to know William Faulkner.

Foote attended the University of North Carolina for two years and served in World War II. During World War II, he was an Army captain of artillery until he lost his commission for using a military vehicle without authorization to visit a female friend and was discharged from the Army. He then joined the Marines. He published his first novel, Tournament, in 1949. His other novels include Follow Me Down (1950), Love in a Dry Season (1951), Shiloh (1952), Jordan County (1954), and September, September (1978).

Early in his career, Foote took up the habit of writing by hand with an old-fashioned dipped pen, and he continued that practice throughout his life. He indicated that the practice helped him slow down to a manageable pace and was more personal that using a typewriter although he often prepared a typed copy of his day's writing after it was finished. He kept bound volumes of his manuscripts on a bookshelf in his home in Memphis.

Foote is survived by his wife Gwyn, whom he married in 1956, his daughter, Margaret Shelby, and a son, Huger Lee.

The smiling sun that adorned Kentucky's license plates was a bit too much for many drivers in the Bluegrass State. Now Mr. Smiley's sunshine face is setting on the great and sovereign state of Kentucky and so is his motto, "Kentucky: It's that friendly."

Mr. Smiley was supposed to be a happy little thing, a beacon of sunny, chummy, oh-so-cute cheeriness on the license plates of Kentucky when Democratic Gov. Paul Patton unveiled the design in December 2002. Today, Mr. Smiley has become a punch line, the butt of too many jokes. The Mr. Smiley logo has been mocked, ridiculed, and disparaged all around the state. Drivers have called him cornball, juvenile, and even embarrassing. Some drivers drew a mustache on the smiling sun's image or covered it up with a frowning-face sticker or duct tape. The distaste for Mr. Smiley ran so deep that one state legislator briefly tried to pass a measure that would allow drivers to buy a $1 Kentucky state logo to cover up Mr. Smiley on their plates.

Countless drivers refused to be seen with Mr. Smiley on their cars. Sales of specialty plates shot up as drivers voted with their wallets against the state's choice of automotive adornment. "A lot of people found them to be so obnoxious they wouldn't put them on their cars," said Fayette County Clerk Don Blevins.

Despite the criticisms, the smiling sun won the Automobile License Plate Collectors Association 2003 award for best license plate, beating Maine's lobster by one vote. By then the plates were so unpopular that Republican Gov. Ernie Fletcher did not accept the award for his state.

Kentucky plans to replace Mr. Smiley with the "Unbridled Spirit" tags beginning January 1, 2006. The new plates will have a small outline of Kentucky in the center.

The Clarion Issue contacted several people in the Bluegrass State by e-mail for comment. One reply indicated that the tags were unpopular, but the owner was saving his because "five years from now it will sell for $150 on e-bay."

On June 13, 2005, the U.S. Senate apologized for never having enacted federal anti-lynching legislation. An estimated 4,700 lives that were taken in lynchings across the country might have been saved. There were reportedly 15 senators who refused to support the apology. The resolution was reportedly passed by a voice vote so the dissenters could avoid putting actual votes on the record. Here is a list of 15 Southern senators that did not sign the resolution. There are 14 Republicans and one Democrat on the list.

Lamar Alexander (R-TN)
Jim Bunning (R-KY)
Saxby Chambliss (R-GA)
Thad Cochran (R-MS)
John Cornyn (R-TX)
Elizabeth Dole (R-NC)
Kay Hutchinson (R-TX)
Johnny Isakson (R-GA)
Trent Lott (R-MS)
Mel Martinez (R-FL)
Mitch McConnell (R-KY)
Jay Rockefeller (D-WV)
Jeff Sessions (R-AL)
Richard Shelby (R-AL)
John Warner (R-VA)

A study released in late June by the Smell and Taste Institute in Chicago shows that the scent of grapefruit on women make them seem about six or seven years younger to men. Institute director Alan Hirsch conducted the study.

During the study Hirsch indicated that researchers smeared several 'middle-aged' women with broccoli, banana, spearmint leaves, and lavender but none of those scents made a difference to the men. However, the scent of grapefruit changed men's perceptions of the females' age. Hirsch said that when men were asked to write down how old the woman with grapefruit odor was, the age was considerably less than reality. Women who were wearing the grapefruit scent appeared to be years younger according to the male volunteers in the scent sniffing survey.

While the grapefruit scent changed the men's perception of a woman's age, the grapefruit fragrance on men appears to do nothing for women.

As of yet, none of the major perfume companies have announced a grapefruit splash on cologne in the works for middle aged women. As for middle aged men, the Clarion Issue advises that you still stay away from the High Karate after-shave.

Former military guards of Saddam Hussein, the deposed dictator of Iraq, have revealed that he has discovered a great snack while in US captivity. In the July issue of GQ magazine, five Pennsylvania National Guardsmen, who went to Iraq in 2003 and were assigned to Saddam's guard detail for nearly 10 months, reported that he loved Doritos.

The guardsmen said that Saddam Hussein was initially fed Cheetos as a snack, but one day they ran out, so he was given Doritos instead. They said he loved the corn chips so much that he refused to go back to Cheetos. According to one guard, ''He'd eat a family size bag of Doritos in 10 minutes.''

The guardsmen also indicated that Saddam Hussein hates Froot Loops, admires former President Reagan, thinks Clinton was "OK" and considers both Presidents Bush "no good." He talks a lot, worries about germs, and insists he is still president of Iraq. According to Spc. Jesse Dawson, 25, of Berwick, Pennsylvania, "He'd always tell us he was still the president. That's what he thinks, 100 percent." The soldiers told GQ of their personal interactions with Saddam, saying he spoke with them in rough English, was interested in their lives, and even invited them back to Iraq when he returns to power.

The soldiers also said Saddam was a "clean freak." He reportedly washed after shaking hands with someone and used diaper wipes to clean meal trays, utensils, and the table before eating.

The pentagon had on comment on the article and Frito-Lay spokesmen had no comment on Saddam's preference to Doritos over Cheetos. The Clarion Issue, however, believes "Doritos, the favorite snack food among dictators," would make a great PR campaign for Frito-Lay, especially for the 'Extreme' and 'Low Fatwah' versions.

In a related issue, Iraqi Justice Minister Abdel Hussein Shandal announced that he was confident that Saddam Hussein's trial on war crimes charges would be over by year's end, underlining the Iraqi government's determination to try the ousted leader soon.

LOBBYIST SIPHON MILLIONS FROM NATIVE AMERICAN INTEREST:
DELAY 'FRIEND' IMPLEMENTED IN "GIMME FIVE" SCAM

In late June 2005, Arizona Senator John McCain, Republican and chairman of the Senate Indian Affairs Committee, began a series of hearings into lobbyist misconduct and theft of hundreds of thousands of Native American dollars. McCain eventually described a scheme to bilk millions of dollars from the tribes. "Today's hearing is about more than contempt, even more than greed," he said. "It is simply and sadly a tale of betrayal."

The hearings and investigations involved lobbyists for Native American tribes, especially the Mississippi Choctaws. According to Indian gambling officials, Indian casinos represent a $16 billion industry today.

The hearings concerned lobbyist Jack Abramoff and his partner Michael Scanlon. According to documents presented to the Senate Indian Affairs Committee' Abramoff and Scanlon created tax-exempt groups to funnel money to themselves from Indian tribes trying to build political support for their casinos. Abramoff directed tribes to donate to several obscure foundations that appear to have no connection to Indian concerns. In one situation, Abramoff and Scanlon hired a former lifeguard, David Grosh, to head a group billed as an international think tank, the American International Center, to receive payments. Abramoff and Scanlon used the think tank and other tax-exempt groups to steer the money from the Mississippi Tribe of Choctaw Indians and other tribes, according to documents released by the committee. McCain said American International paid a total of $840,000 in 2002 to Greenberg Traurig, the law and lobbying firm where Abramoff worked, making it the firm's fifth largest lobbying client.

David Grosh, a part time lifeguard and bartender and friend of Jack Abramoff and Michael Scanlon, testified that he was approached by the pair and asked if he would like to be CEO of a major company. Grosh told the Senate panel that when "I asked him what I had to do and he said, 'Nothing,' so that sounded pretty good to me. " Grosh was then placed in the role as head of the company whose job it was to lobby for the Native American Casino operations in Congress. The center was set up on the bottom floor of Grosh's home in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware. He said he was paid about $2,500 but left the job when he learned the center was involved with the federal government, Indian tribes, and gambling. Additional testimony found that very little lobbying was done for the tribes and the scam went to enrich Abramoff, Scanlon, and the Greenburg Traurig law and lobbying firm. Grosh also indicated that he has held such jobs as an excavator, machine operator, and worked in construction.

The theft of the Indian money was so well planed that Abramoff and Scanlon had a code word for the scheme. The plan was code-named "gimme five." A 2001 e-mail demonstrated that Abramoff planed to divide up the cash from the Choctaw Indians contribution saying, "I am going to try to get us $175 K. $100 to Ralph; $25K to contributions ($5K immediately to Conservative Caucus); rest gimme five," Abramoff wrote. Ralph referred to Ralph Reed, former Christian Coalition leader whose name also shows up in other e-mails. (What ever happened to the Christian ideal that "the love of money was the root of all evil?")

McCain has asked the Justice department to look at whether Abramoff's tribal billings and the movement of the money associated with "gimme five" constitute any type of fraud. A federal grand jury in Washington has been investigating Abramoff's dealings for several months. Documents released by the committee suggest Abramoff and Scanlon used the tax-exempt groups as fronts for collecting tribal money to avoid tax problems and other regulations. The correspondence between Abramoff and others released by the committee outlines the "gimme five" scheme and shows that Abramoff and Scanlon probably skimmed off a large share of tribal lobbying payments for themselves. Payments from the Mississippi Choctaw Tribe to Scanlon totaled roughly $15 million, and Scanlon gave Abramoff a $5 million cut according to Senator McCain.

Lobbyist Jack Abramoff has also been under fire for the financing of House of Representative Majority Leader Tom Delay's (Republican from Texas) golf trip to Scotland. Delay is on record as referring to Abramoff as "One of my closest and dearest friends." Abramoff is currently under investigation by the Justice Department, the Senate Indian Affairs Committee, the IRS, the Department of the Interior, the National Indian Gaming Commission, and the FBI for alleged legal activities, illegal campaign donations, tax fraud, and ethics violations involving several Republican congressmen and senators. The FBI is also looking into alleged efforts to illegally fix tribal elections as part of operation "gimme five."

McCain's recent actions and his warm relations with the news media have upset some top conservatives, especially talk show host Rush Limbaugh, who question the senator's GOP loyalty. As far as the Clarion Issue is concerned, Senator McCain's first loyalty is and should be to the US Constitution and the American people. The idea that party loyalty should require an elected representative to look the other way in cases of fraud, theft, and illegal activities seems abjectly harmful to our republic. McCain is a man who endured torture in a North Vietnam prison and certainly understands loyalty to America. What has Rush Limbaugh done except illegally obtain and become addicted to painkillers?

In an unrelated case, Jack Abramoff was indicted on August 11, 2005, on charges of conspiracy and wire fraud concerning loans used in the purchase of SunCruz gambling ships, a Florida-based casino cruise-ship company that later fell into bankruptcy. He was released from federal custody after posting $2.2 million for bail.

On June 12, a coalition of 12 American environmental and activist groups called for a consumer boycott of Esso-Exxon-Mobil, the worlds largest oil company. The American groups join international environmental groups urging the boycott of Esso-Exxon-Mobil products and service stations around the world. The groups claim that the company has "done more than any other company to stop the world from tackling climate change" and that Esso-Exxon-Mobil is the world's number one climate criminal. The groups, including the Sierra Club, Greenpeace, the Natural Resources Defense Council, and the US Public Interest Group are aiming to brand the oil giant as an outlaw company for refusing to acknowledge the existence of global warming. Exxon is also the only major oil company that still supports oil and gas exploration in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWAR).

Other groups involved in the campaign against Exxon-Mobil include the Defenders of Wildlife, the Union of Concerned Scientists, the Alaska Coalition, the Alaska Oceans Program, the Alaska Wilderness League, the National Environmental Trust, the Defenders of Wildlife, Friends of the Earth, and the MoveOn.org Political Action. Carl Pope, the Sierra Club's executive director, said the campaign aimed either to get Exxon-Mobil to change or "to encourage other oil companies" to improve their environmental stewardship. "The other oil companies have aspirations" for environmental performance, the director said.

Corporations like Exxon-Mobil encouraged the US political leadership to avoid the Kyoto Protocol, the only international agreement to deal with climate change. With only five percent of the world's population, the US is responsible for emitting 25 percent of the major main greenhouse gas, carbon dioxide. The Exxon Company wants to keep it that way.

Esso-Exxon-Mobil denies that the burning of fossil fuels causes climate change. Environmentalists claim that the company has spent over $15 million funding front organizations like the Competitive Enterprise Institute that reinforce its position. The Competitive Enterprise Institute's work has challenged some generally accepted scientific models that predict the speed of climate change and the severity of its consequences. The environmental groups claim that the oil company is jeopardizing the environment with "junk science" by questioning global warming. Exxon readily admits that it has a 'vested interest' in stopping governments from taking action on climate change. For over the last decade, Exxon-Mobil has attempted to sabotage international negotiations on the issue and block agreements that would reduce greenhouse gas emissions.

Lee Raymond, Exxon-Mobil's chief executive, has been an outspoken skeptic about the widely held view among climate scientists, endorsed by the science academies of 11 countries, that human activity is responsible for the current warming trends in the atmosphere. The warming, many scientists believe, could change everything from the contours of coastlines to weather patterns.

The environmental groups contend that Exxon opposes the switch to clean energy simply to protect its own profits. Despite being one of the world's richest companies, Exxon does not invest a single dollar in renewable energy. Moreover, Exxon would like to see a massive increase in fossil fuel use over the next 20 years, a scenario that would send climate change spiraling out of control.

Exxon-Mobil is the only major oil company still pressing to drill in ANWAR. Exxon still owes over $4.5 billion dollars in court-ordered punitive damages to victims of the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Prince William Sound, Alaska, on March 24, 1989, that it refuses to pay. The Exxon Valdez accident caused the worst environmental disaster in United States history. More than 11 million gallons of North Slope crude oil spilled into the sound. The disaster caused mass destruction of local habitat for land animals, sea animals, and vegetation. Native Americans in Alaska were forced to live differently from the subsistence lifestyle that had been practiced by their people for hundreds of years. Commercial fishermen from local towns such obligated to help Exxon cleanup to protect their livelihoods. Salmon and herring fisheries either crashed or were severely contaminated. The people helping in the cleanup process also often contracted serious illnesses as a result of the fumes and pollution.

The environmental groups also insist that Exxon Mobil is the power behind George W. Bush. Exxon Mobil was a large donor of the Republican Party giving over one million dollars to the Republican cause, more than all the other oil companies. Ninety-one percent of Exxon Mobil's total contributions went to the Republican Party. The environmental groups claim that with the Republican's in control of Washington, DC, they are powerless to influence policy through regular political channels and insist that a boycott is the only measure left to them.

A web site, www.exxposeexxon.com, has been established by the environmentalist coalition to inform people about Exxon and to encourage the boycott.

The Clarion Issue is reminded of an old joke from the 1970s when there were Esso service stations all over America. It seemed that a swarm of bees were out and about and needed to take a 'pit stop' or what CBers used to call a 'short-short.' The swarm headed toward a Gulf (now BP) station on one corner while one bee headed for an Esso station across the street. The Queen Bee asked one of the workers why that bee went to the Esso station and did not follow the swarm. The worker bee replied to the queen saying, 'Your grace, there's an Esso bee in every crowd.'

Volunteers in Montana are working this summer to unearth a never-before-seen species of sauropod dinosaur, perhaps about twice as old as most dinosaur fossils found in the state. The famous paleontologist Nate Murphy from the Phillips County Museum in Malta, Montana, is leading efforts to remove the bones from an area near the Little Snowy Mountains in central Montana. The newly discovered sauropod is believed to be kin to the long-necked, plant-eaters like the 8-ton, 60-foot Camarasaurus and the larger Brachiosaurus, but with a larger head and shorter neck. 'There's roughly about two dozen known sauropod skulls on the planet, and we just found another one," Murphy said. To add to the find the sauropod is intact and that is very rare. The bones may be 150 million years old.

Area ranchers have known about the bones since they discovered them around 18 years ago while walking over a series of hills. The weather slowly eroded the earth around the bones, raising them to the surface. The ranchers did little with the bones until they began digging around the fossil with a backhoe a couple of years ago. They finally decided to call a friend at the Billings Gem and Mineral Club. That person put them in touch with Murphy, who heads the Judith River Dinosaur Institute in Malta.

One worker, Evelyn Unger said, "It's just amazing seeing a sauropod skull up close and getting to work near it." Unger is a 19-year-old volunteer digger who studies biology at Lebanon Valley College in Pennsylvania. The international crew includes two British paleontology doctoral students and a California accountant, Hal Carroll, who is on his second dig with Murphy.

Experts who examined pictures of the sauropod's vertebra determined the fossil is indeed a new species. The animal was an adult when it died. Its body was shaped like a massive barrel, and it walked on stocky limbs. The neck and skull have been unearthed and were available for the photo autopsy.

Dave Trexler, paleontologist at the Two Medicine Dinosaur Center in Bynum, indicated that the new dinosaur is important for a couple of reasons. First, the discovery of a sauropod so far north in Montana helps scientists further define the range of these particular Jurassic dinosaurs. This dinosaur also seems to represent a missing link in the evolution of the sauropods. It is believed to have roamed the earth about 150 million years ago, making it about twice as old as most dinosaur skeletons found in the area. The discovery helps paleontologists put together a more comprehensive and complete picture of sauropod evolution and the range of these sauropods.

The bones are expected to wind up at the Judith River Dinosaur Institute for further study.

James Doohan, the actor who played 'Scotty' the Chief Engineer of the Star Ship Enterprise on Star Trek, died on July 20, 2005, in Redmond, Washington, at the age of 85 after a lengthy battle with Alzheimer's disease. "Beam me up, Scotty," became a catch phase for the Star Trek generation.

Star Trek garnered a worldwide following, popularizing science fiction and winning a cult following that still endures. The television series that debuted on NBC in 1966 inspired a series of movies starring the same crew. The crew was headed by William Shatner as Captain James T. Kirk and his first mate, Mr. Spock, played by Leonard Nimoy. Others stares included Nichelle Nichols as Lt. Uhura, Walter Koenig as Chekov, George Takei as Sulu and DeForest Kelley as the cantankerous doctor, "Bones." Other minor and later major stares appeared or debuted on Star Trek, many to paraphrase the words of Mad Magazine, only to vanish when they meet a Klingon.

Doohan immortalized the fantasy starship's burley engineer who repeatedly managed miraculous repairs and beam ups while crewmembers dealt with the adversities and adventures of space, the 'final frontier.' Scotty would often declare "Captain, she can't take any more," while working his magic to bail out the Enterprise from deep space dangers.

Doohan was born on March 3, 1920, in Vancouver, Canada. He was the youngest of four children of William Doohan, a pharmacist, and his wife, Sarah. Doohan served as a Canadian soldier in the allied force that invaded Normandy on D-Day in 1944. He was shot six times and lost a finger on Juno Beach, but he returned to duty and become a military pilot.

Doohan made his TV debut in a 1949 episode of NBC's Martin Kane, Private Detective. His first full-time job came in 1953 when he was cast in the TV show, Space Command. During his career, he worked on hundreds of radio and TV shows plus film and theater work. Doohan guest-starred on several TV shows including Bonanza and The Twilight Zone.

Doohan developed his famous Scottish accent as a Canadian radio actor prior to the Star Trek series. During his audition for the pilot of Star Trek, he used the accent saying an engineer had to be Scottish. Gene Roddenberry, the creator of Star Trek, loved the idea and 'Scotty' became a mainstay on the series and the follow up movies.

Doohan attended Star Trek conventions and as an actor, Doohan often said that 'if you didn't want to take time to sign autographs for fans, go sell shoes somewhere" instead of being an actor. He reportedly loved children and was involved in raising money for charity. He wrote an autobiography, Beam Me Up, Scotty, in 1996 and received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame August 30, 2004.

The Clarion Issue expresses condolences to Wende, Doohan's wife of 28 years, his children and family, his friends, and all the Trekkers out there. Trek on Scotty!

Editor's note: The term Trekkie is sometimes considered derogatory, perhaps because of a perceived parallel to the term groupie. Many Star Trek enthusiasts prefer the term Trekker, while some others hold that Terkker is stupid or pretentious, and for that reason, self-identify as Trekkies. Some Trekkies even say that a Trekker is a Trekkie who is embarrassed about being a Trekkie. On the other hand, Trekker is sometimes used as a term for the kind of Star Trek fan that is obsessed with the fine details. Trekker actually has its origins in the early days. When the media picked up on the word Trekkies, some of the fans thought that it sounded too much like "Crazies." Trekker or Trekkie, it's no Tribble at all.

The World

BIRD FLU PANDEMIC EXPECTED

The World Health Organization (WHO) is expecting a worldwide outbreak of Bird Flu in the near future, possibly by the winter of 2005. The likely scenario is that it will take a couple of months for the pandemic to strike. It is expected to start with outbreaks somewhere in South East Asia, quite possibly Vietnam. The WHO expects the flu will spread to neighboring countries and on to Europe and America within two to four weeks. The wide and rapid spread of the Bird Flu will make it a worldwide pandemic. A leading scientist believes that the Bird (or Avian) Flu will cause 300 million or more deaths world wide once the pandemic strikes.

Scientist believe that the Avian Flu virus is on the verge of mutating into a form that can be transmitted from human to human. So far the H5N1 virus that causes Bird Flu has only been spread from fowl, usually chickens, to fowl and in some cases from chickens to humans. However, once the virus mutates to a point that it can pass from human to human, the virus will be poised to make history much like the Spanish Flu strain did in the 1919 flu pandemic.

China, Vietnam, Thailand, Japan, Indonesia, and other Southeast Asian countries have reported cases of H5N1 Avian Flu this summer. Bird Flu moved to waterfowl in northwestern province of Qinghai, China, during the spring of 2005 proving that the H5N1 virus is mutating and beginning to spread. In late June 2005, the Russian Government announced that hundreds of Siberian birds have died of the H5N1 strain of bird flu but reported no human infections. The strain is now expected to move into India and South Asia via the migratory birds.

Bird Flu is an infection caused by Avian (Bird) Influenza (Flu) viruses. These flu viruses occur naturally among birds. Wild birds worldwide carry the viruses in their intestines, but usually do not get sick from them. However, bird flu is very contagious among birds and can make some domesticated birds, including chickens, ducks, and turkeys, very sick and kill them. The particularly dangerous Bird Flu virus H5N1 occurred among poultry in eight countries in Asia (China, Cambodia, Indonesia, South Korea, Japan, Laos, Thailand, and Vietnam) in 2003 and early 2004. At that time, more than 100 million birds in the affected countries either died from the disease or were killed in order to try to control the outbreak. By March 2004, the outbreak was reported to be under control. Beginning in late June 2004, however, new deadly outbreaks of influenza H5N1 among poultry were reported by several countries in Asia. The H5N1 flu virus can and has spread to humans from domesticated fowl in the Orient.

Symptoms of Bird Flu in humans range from typical flu-like symptoms such as fever, cough, sore throat and muscle aches to eye infections, pneumonia, severe respiratory diseases including as acute respiratory distress. The Avian Flu can carry severe and life-threatening complications.

In June 2005, Chinese farmers, acting with the approval and encouragement of Chinese government officials, especially the Chinese Agriculture Ministry that approved the production and sale of the drug for use in chickens, tried to suppress major bird flu outbreaks among chickens with Amantadine, an antiviral drug meant for humans. International researchers now believe that Amantadine will no longer protect people in case of a worldwide bird flu epidemic. Amantadine was an effective and inexpensive antiviral medication, but it is definitely "off the table" now according to influenza expert Richard Webby of St. Jude Children's Research Hospital in Memphis. China has proved an impediment to international health agencies like the WHO before. China was criticized for its response (or lack of a response) to the SARS epidemic that began in China in 2002 and spread around the world due to the negligence of the Chinese government.

The Asian governments are combating the spread of Bird Flu in many ways. Thailand has begun to issue bird identity cards for 'fighting birds.' The Ids include pictures of the heads and legs of the birds and are only issued after the birds have been inspected.

Since 2003, the H5N1 strain has killed at least 70 people in Vietnam, Thailand, Cambodia, and Indonesia. Indonesia reported its first three human deaths in July 2005. The Chinese have not reported any deaths, but WHO experts believe that China has experienced over 125 Bird Flu deaths, especially in the recent outbreaks in the province of Qinghai.

LOVE STRUCK KENYAN OFFERS GOOD DOWRY FOR CHELSEA CLINTON

Godwin Kipkemoi Chepkurgor, a 36-year-old Kenyan official, says he offered Bill Clinton 40 goats and 20 cows for his daughter's hand in marriage in 2000. Five years later he is still waiting for an answer. Chepkurgor, an elected city councilor in Nakuru, indicated he wrote the US president through the Kenyan government. Chepkurgor, an electrical engineering graduate, said he promised to pay his would-be father-in-law 20 cows and 40 goats in dowry for his only daughter in accordance with African tradition. According to anthropologist familiar with the practice of bride price and East Africa said it was a very good price for a bride. According to one Kenyan anthropologist the offer was a "generous one that befits an important man's daughter."

Godwin Kipkemoi Chepkurgor is apparently smitten with Chelsea, who is now 25 years old. In interviews with the press he described his plans for a grand wedding. The wedding would be preformed by South African Nobel Peace Prize winner Archbishop Desmond Tutu. Chepkurgor said, "Had I succeeded in wooing Chelsea, I would have had a grand wedding." In his letter he gave then-President Daniel arap Moi and the president of his university as references. Chepkurgor said his letter also praised Clinton's leadership and commended his wife, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, for standing by her husband "like an African woman" in the face of the Monica Lewinsky scandal.

Chepkurgor has vowed to remain single until he gets an answer to his proposal to marry Chelsea.

Mr. Clinton arrived in Kenya in mid-July to discuss how the Clinton Foundation would help the country's anti-AIDS programs but made no mention of his daughter's dowry. The Clarion Issue speculates that the staffs of the former president and the Senator are working on an appropriate and sensitive letter to Mr. Chepkurgor thanking him for the generous offer, but stating that Chelsea was unavailable for marriage at this time.

BHUTAN ANNOUNCES DRAFT CONSTITUTION

The tiny Himalayan Kingdom of Bhutan announced a draft constitution earlier this year. The proposed constitution, if approved, will be the first constitution for the nation of Bhutan. It is important to note that the monarchy and political system of Bhutan are not under pressure as in the nation of Nepal. Bhutan's King, Jigme Singye Wangchuk, began the path to democracy by handing over day-to-day affairs to a council of ministers at the millennium, slowly ending the absolute monarchy started in 1907 with the king's great grandfather.

The proposed constitution which specifies the role of the monarchy, the duty of the citizens and political parties, fundamental rights of its citizens, and some unique provisions to express the will of the people like a national referendum. The draft constitution itself is likely to be put before the people in a referendum for approval before it is finalized.

The text of the constitution is short. It contains 32 articles and 4 appendices. It has a short preamble that pledges sovereignty, liberty, justice, tranquility and happiness, and well being of the people. The form of government it creates is a "Democratic Constitutional Monarchy." It establishes Dzongkha as the "national language," and declares Buddhism to be the spiritual heritage of the Kingdom.

Article 2 of the constitution deals with the institution of Monarchy. Some interesting and innovative provisions include the denial of succession to one married to a non Bhutanese citizen, and that the King will step down after attaining the age of 65 years, handing over the throne to Crown prince or princess. The constitution also calls for the King to abdicate under certain circumstances when such a resolution is passed by three fourths of the members of Parliament followed by a referendum with a simple majority.

There is a separate article on environment that makes the fundamental duty of every citizen to contribute to the protection of natural environment and prevention of ecological degradation. The article on citizenship is not different from the existing laws yet two sub sections in this article stand out. One subsection indicates that those applying for citizenship should be able to speak and write Dzongkha and that they have no record of having spoken or acted against the King, the Country and the people of Bhutan

The right to information has been made a fundamental right in the article dealing with fundamental rights. Of course rights come with responsibilities and there is a separate article on 'fundamental duties' that demands of its citizens to foster tolerance, mutual respect transcending religious, linguistic, regional or sectional diversities.

The government will consist of a parliament, and an upper house called "The National Council." In addition to legislative functions, the National Council will act as a 'Review House' on matters relating to security and sovereignty of the country.

However, the most important innovation in the Bhutan Constitution deals with political parties. It is important because there are no political parties as such in Bhutan and it will be interesting to watch how this article is going to be used to create just two parties, a party that is in government and an opposition party. The opposition party's role is supposed to be a constructive role to provide good governance. One other point mentioned is that the opposition party shall not allow party interests to prevail over national interest.

The Prime Minster and his cabinet are supposed to be collectively responsible both to the King and the Parliament. It is not clear how this arrangement will work will work since the King is the highest authority in Bhutan. The constitution explicitly states that the Prime minister will be a natural born citizen of Bhutan. In fact this rule has been extended to persons holding all the constitutional posts and those holding elective offices under the constitution. Holders of constitutional offices include the Chief Justice and justices of the Supreme Court, Chief Justice and justices of High Courts, the Chief Election Commissioner, the Auditor General, the Chairperson of the Royal Civil Service Commission and the Chair person of the Anti Corruption Commission. The constitution goes on to specify that not only should the office holders be natural born citizens of Bhutan but not married to a person who is not a citizen of Bhutan.

Under the Defense Article, Bhutan solemnly states that it will not use military force against a foreign State except in self-defense or for the purpose of maintaining its security, territorial integrity and sovereignty.

The constitution is a big step for Bhutan. Until now the national assembly has largely symbolic. Other constitutional experts point out problems concerning political parties and ultimate political sovereignty in the document. The document is also under criticism from Bhutan refugees in Nepal who question King Jigme Singye Wangchuk's motives and true willingness to yield power to a truly democratically elected government. With all these concerns, however, international observers agree that the constitution is an important first step toward constitutional democracy in the small mountain nation in South Asia.

What does Ucalegon mean?
A. a corral design to house flying horses
B. a neighbor whose house is on fire
C. an 18 sided geometric figure
D. a walled adobe village in the Spanish era
E. a small Greek assault boat ca. 1000 BC
F. a constellation in the southern hemisphere

ANSWER B. Ucalegon means a "neighbor whose house is on fire." It comes from ancient Greek; Ucalegon was an adviser to Priam in Homer's Iliad.

TO PLACE YOUR TOWN’S EVENT ON THE SOUTHERN CALENDAR
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