CLUNY'S CORNER Cluny@ClarionIsh.Com

CHEATIN’ AT PLAYING FETCH

There is a commercial on TV expounding the great values of people ‘owning’ a doggie. One of those is that dogs never cheat at playing fetch. If you are a master who believes that nonsense you better hide this newsletter from your doggie because I’m going to explain to you and him how to cheat at playing fetch.

I remember when my master came in the Happy Yappy Puppy Farm where I was born looking for a doggie. When I saw him I knew he was the one I wanted to own. I threw back my ears, wagged my tail, barked a little, and that was that. I got in that big blue truck and we’ve been constant friends ever since. I had three jobs, I had to sit, play fetch, and eat peoplecrackers. (People crackers are doggie snacks sort of like animal crackers except they are shaped like mailmen, postmen, milkmen, and dog catchers- you know, the people doggies always chase.) I must admit I love my job.

Now when I play fetch, I usually decide when I get a couple of people crackers. I do this by dropping the rag bone, what I usually fetch, far enough away from my master’s chair that he can’t reach it. Sometimes I’m so bad that I even only fetch once, drop the rag bone three feet away, and stand up next to the arm of his recliner. If he doesn’t deliver the people crackers, I give a low growl and bark. I always get my treat, especially if an Earnest T. Bass episode is on Andy Griffith and my master really wants to hear every word. Now that folks is cheating at playing fetch.

But all good things must have an end. First Publix stopped selling peoplecrackers, and now CVS has stopped carrying the treats. Now that, to quote Sheriff Buford T. Justice (the Jackie Gleason character in Smokey and the Bandit) is just pure and simple communism! So I guess I’ll be fetching for Scooby Snacks and here at the Clarion Issue offices PC will start standing for politically correct instead of people crackers.

Write me, Cluny@ClarionIsh.com .