CLUNY'S CORNER Cluny@ClarionIsh.Com

SAM'S BIG PROMOTION

As the “Big Dog” at the Clarion Issue one of my major duties is to make sure all the staff are well paid and performing up to the highest standards in the art of journalism. With these goals in mind, several months ago I decided to promote Sam Merier to the very important and highly coveted position of Research Editor of the Clarion Issue. This made a lot of sense to me. Sam has been with the paper since the second issue, and he contributes hours of hard research into many of the articles that you, the devoted Clarion Issue readers, enjoy every time you pick up an issue or download the paper on the Internet.

Not only does Sam contribute a major article every issue, he diligently searches for major stories that need to be published in a major publication like the Clarion Issue. Articles like “California Animal Rights Group Attacks Celebrated Jumping Frog Contest,” “Prehistoric ‘Big Bird’ Unearthed Down Under,” “It’s No Bull, Miniature Cows Are On The Way,” and “Hey Gringo, You Stole Half Our Country,” are all the result of Sam’s intensive research. News stories like “Gun Owners Take Aim at Patron Saint” and “Arafat Turns Cheezy” from previous issues (and found in the on line archives) are classic Sam news items.

Yes, while my idiot master, the editor, is writing junk like “History’s Currents,” “Speakin’ Southern,” and “Music Reviews” (a good excuse to expand his CD collection), Sam is bringing you the real important information you need to exist in this “dog eat dog” world.

Recently Sam nominated a Tulsa, Oklahoma, thief for the Darwin Awards. The Darwin Awards are Internet awards for people who are so stupid that they usually don’t live long enough to spread their genes in the human gene pool. This thief, Edward McBride, was stupid enough to try to swim the Arkansas River with over 50 pounds of stolen loot while being chased by the police. He drowned instead of letting go of the stolen property. Sam is right; that deserves a Darwin!

Sam deserved his promotion to Research Editor. When I informed him of the promotion he asked, “Does this mean I get a key to the executive rest room?” Well I had to draw the line somewhere. However, I did allow him to use the kitty’s litter box.

Email me:Cluny@ClarionIsh.com