CLUNY'S CORNER Cluny@ClarionIsh.Com

MY NEW BUD, BUD

Well Clarion Issue readers, it's official. The Clarion Issue is going to the dawgs. The new doggie at the Clarion Issue is Sam's new doggie Col. Bud E.Weiser. Bud is mixed breed hound, maybe a Labrador, Dalmatian, or some other big mix? My master tells me he can remember when such doggies were called 'Heinz 57s,' but today that title is considered 'politically incorrect.' Today they prefer to be called 'parentally challenged canines.' Sam said, "Only God and his mother knows what else is in him, and neither one of them is talking."

Bud was orphaned when he was about 10 weeks old. Orphaned is a politically correct way of saying he and his brothers and sisters were throw aways. He was found along with some of his apparent siblings that someone dumped near Sam's by a friend of Sam
who rescued him. Unfortunately, Bud was the only one of the litter Sam's friend could catch. It is a shame that some masters would do that. Every puppy should have a nice home like I did at the Happy Yappy Puppy Farm before my master showed up and I picked him out.

Bud's current age is about 15 weeks old. His favorite chew toy is Sam. Bud has 6 toes on his back feet and old wives tales say that makes him immune to snake bites. Sam said he should not worry about snake bites; because, like my master, Sam keeps plenty of 86 proof anti-venom around in case there is a major (or minor) snake uprising on the Camden County frontier.

Bud has a very short thin white coat of hair with dots and freckles scattered all over his coat in no apparent pattern. Bud's freckles seem to be getting darker everyday in his coat. He has a black spot where his tail joins his body, and it looks like his tail was stuck on with tar black super glue. Bud has huge feet and ears and will be a huge dog when he grows into them.

Sam describes Bud as a real babe magnet, especially at high-class bars where Sam hangs out. He even said he could not wait 'til the 4th of July so he could put a red, white and blue bandana thingy on Bud, go up to the big St. Marys parade and festival, and really catch some babes. I emailed Sam and told him that the babes were only interested in Bud, and not to get his hopes up about Bud sharing all his babes with Sam. In general, all girls think doggies are cool and cute, and they wonder why we put up with such homely masters.

Now I have to show Col. Bud around the Clarion Issue and teach him all the important things we doggies that run the place have to do. We always watch the Georgia Dawgs on TV, bet on the doggie teams during 'March Madness' and of course, we always chase away the cats that try to influence Clarion Issue policy.

Bud and I are now planning to run for president and vice president in the 2008 election. Our platform will be lower taxes on middle class dog food, free rabies shots for all doggies over five years old, to stop the outsourcing of the jobs of firehouse Dalmatians and alpine St. Bernards and five cent rawhide doggie chews.

There is one final note that Bud insisted that I put into this article. Bud may be a 'Heinz 57' doggie, but he is in no way kin to Patricia Heinz Kerry. With that cleared up, I need to show Bud the executive restroom. See ya.

Write me, Cluny@ClarionIsh.com .