The Clarion Issue

POLITICAL PARTIES BEHAVING BADLY
THE 2004 ELECTION IN RETROSPECT
By R. A. Pearson

November 2nd has come and gone, and with it the dirtiest presidential election in recent history is in the record books. In a close election, that witnessed record turnouts across these United States, incumbent Pres. George W. Bush defeated Senator John Kerry in both the popular and electoral vote to win a second term in office. With the nation today divided almost equally on the issues and concerns dealt with during the election, it may be time to sit back and take a look at the political system of the United States, and how the political parties, both Democrat and Republican, behaved in the 2004 election.

The initial start of the political season, the party's conventions, proved about as informative as a weight loss infomercial and exciting as watching paint dry. Americans tuned out the conventions choosing to cast a vote with their clickers and voted for summer reruns and baseball games rather than the political rhetoric filled pep rallies held by the Democrat and Republican parties in honor of their candidates. Political conventions of old used to hammer out realistic and meaningful platforms, spending time and thought on individual planks, they often voted for several ballots before nominating a candidate, and presented their issues to the American public in elections that provided public debate on policy issues that faced a nation. Today, however, the conventions are merely party pep rallies that rubber stamp meaningless platforms drafted by the radical wings of the various parties. Meanwhile, the conventions are presenting pre-selected candidates to the American people in a glossy portfolio of films, timed events, and partisan, flattering speeches that are designed to lead the viewer into believing that the only better endorsement of the candidate would be if Christ himself endorsed the candidate during the Super Bowl half-time show (costume malfunctions excluded). It is no wonder that the American viewers voted for Law & Order reruns, Sponge Bob, and South park rather than watch these political shams every fourth summer.

As soon as the conventions ended, the endless spectacles of political advertisements began. This year the American public saw the gauntlet of propaganda techniques served up in 30-second commercials that left no emotion untouched and no issue covered. We saw endorsements, card stacking, band wagoning, name calling, and even semi-unique transfer spots that included a eagles, ostriches, and wolves. I kept waiting for Bugs Bunny to endorse a candidate, and for Little Red Riding Hood to kill a big bad wolf and say "He was huffing and puffing, and I blew him away with my trusty .38 that liberals want to confiscate. I'm little Red Riding Hood and I approve this commercial." In all both parties spent about $500 million on these ads (the Democrats spent the most) and never passed on a single bit of information about a single issue.

The 2004 election saw the rise of the 527 committees that inundated America with side issues that kept the political debate away from issues essential to the election. The Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, Texans for Truth, Move Over, the Media Fund, the NRA, the Sierra Club, and many other 527 committees spent millions of dollars for ads that criticized various candidates on issues, the candidates past, and any past or present political or personal faux pas the candidate may have encountered since he was toilet trained. While the Clarion Issue believes that these individuals and groups do have a constitutional right to air their views on the nation's airwaves, it would have been nice to have seen a believable ad that discussed issues instead of the usual 'sound bite' taken out of context. It is also important to note that many of these committees were funded by big money from big supporters of the political parties. Once again, the ads favoring leftist issues out spent the ads promoting the issues on the right.

The news media, while not linked to any party, also proved naughty in this election. Much of the early nastiness of the campaign centered on the service of both candidates during the Vietnam era. The issue came to a head when CBS and Dan Rather ran a very unflattering profile of the service of Pres. Bush in the Texas and Alabama Air National Guard introducing and utilizing documents that proved to be of questionable origin on 60 minutes II . A new group of media watchdogs, the web bloggers, picked up the indescrepentcies in the documents and placed Rather and CBS in a very precarious position in the eyes of the nation and other media outlets. CBS was got by their own gotya journalism.

Meanwhile, the other networks feasted on CBS and Rather's 'fall from grace.' 'Scream TV' hosts 'covered' the issue by yelling at, browbeating, and degregating any unfortunate 'guest' who would come on their shows wishing to truly discuss the issue while candidly discussing the issue with anyone who wished to demand that Rather be flayed at noon in front of the Washington Cathedral on Sunday after the 11:00 service. Of course FOX News, one of the major Rather critics, followed the typical 'Scream TV' method of covering the issue of the questionable documents and other issues in the campaign, including the candidate's military service, by bringing on 'experts' on the issues and yelling at them while they yelled at each other. Why do some networks prefer this type of 'news' rather that sending out real investigative reporters to discover the truth and report it back to the American people? Investigative reporting costs money while two, three, or four people screaming at one another is not only cheap, but it is entertaining as well.

One thing the election did unveil about the media, for those who were really watching the election and considering the implications of the ongoing media shenanigans, was the ever growing prospect of media monopolies in the news and views presented to the American people. The attempt of Sinclair Broadcast, a suburban-Baltimore based company, to air an anti-Kerry program, "Stolen Honor," in prime time shortly before the election is a good example. Sinclair planned to show the political commentary under the guise of a news documentary on all 62 of its stations. Many stations questioned the documentary but were being forced to show it by the network. One noted newsman from the organization, Jon Lieberman, was fired over his objections to the program. Lieberman labeled the program as "blatant political propaganda, not objective journalism," and indicated that it certainly was not news. In the end, good ol' Republican and capitalistic greed freed the airwaves of this bitter and partisan rhetoric when advertisers threatened to stop advertising on the network and stockholders in Sinclair threatened to sue the company. One only has to look at the large media conglomerates that are currently in control of the media to wonder how long it may be before there is little choice in the news and information we as Americans receive. The Russian scientist Pavlov warned us that people are more influenced by what they are told than what they see around them.

The next disappointment came during the October debates. For the most part the millions of viewers who watched the debates hoping to gain insight on the issues and each candidate's position on them, I can only paraphrase baseball announcer Harry Doyle (Bob Uecker) from the movie Major League and say "the viewers got hosed on that one." The 32 pages of rules made the debates about as unreal as a TV reality show. Of course there were some lighter moments in the debates and the newscasts that followed. Take for instance when Vice President Dick Cheney said he had never met North Carolina Senator John Edwards, the Democratic VP candidate, before because Edwards never attended the Senate or any Senate functions. A day later all of the major networks that are truly somewhat 'fair and balanced showed a photo of Edwards and Cheney at the same table at a prayer breakfast. Most Americans remember the people they eat with and pray with. Cheney sure missed the tag on that one.

I did glean several items from the debates that I had always suspected. Pres. Bush does not like to listen to opposing viewpoints. I was also appalled that Pres. Bush refused to acknowledge that he had ever made a mistake. I was, however, reassured when Pres. Bush promised that he would never appoint a Supreme Court Judge that would reinstate the Dred Scott decision. Of course he refused to address involuntary servitude covered in the Fourteenth Amendment of that same vintage. I guess that's why he allowed the military's stop loss orders and the recall of thousands of recently retired military personnel, commonly referred to as the 'back door draft,' to stand. I would also recommend that Pres. Bush learn the difference between an Ayatollah and a Mullah. The Iranians are Shiite Moslems and their religious leaders are called Ayatollahs. If Bush wants to discuss nuclear issues with the Iranians, then he should know how to refer to their leaders properly. Mullahs lead the Sunni Moslems. This mistake is like addressing a protestant pastor as "father" or a priest.

The Republican attempted disfranchisement of Democratic voters were also upsetting to many campaign watchers. On Sept. 27, 2004, former President Jimmy Carter, citing the experience of his Carter Center in monitoring international elections, said "some basic international requirements for a fair election are missing in Florida." Most significant, he said, were requirements that a nonpartisan electoral commission or official organize and conduct the electoral process and that voting procedures be uniform for all citizens. "He said Florida's top election official in 2000, Secretary of State Katherine Harris, was "highly partisan" and that Harris' successor, Glenda Hood, has shown "the same strong bias." He said Gov. Jeb Bush, the president's brother, had done little to "correct these departures from principles of fair and equal treatment." The continued national scrutiny of the Sunshine State's attempt to disfranchise more than 48,000 individuals met ultimate defeat but the Republicans kept the threat of intimidation open in Ohio, the final 'battleground state' until election day.

In Ohio, the Republican Party tried to throw out tens of thousands of newly registered voters because their party's letters sent to these voters were returned. One of the voters questioned was a recently deployed sailor on the USS Kitty Hawk. Did these Republican Party hacks bother to think that many voters receive their mail at a P.O. Box, that people move, or simply that their mail just may not be accepted at these addresses? Over the summer I received a 'personal' letter and photo of President Bush and his wife in the mail. It included a 'personal' letter that thanked me for signing up to be a neighborhood worker for the Bush reelection campaign. That bit of information must have been provided to Pres. Bush by the same individuals who furnished the intelligence reports on Iraqi WMDs because it was just as absurd and flawed as the pre-war intelligence reports. By two court decisions at the 11th hour, the Republicans eventually gained the right to have poll watchers to challenge voters in Ohio, but one of the decisions limited the challenges to 'personal knowledge' of voter fraud and forbade the used of a predrafted list of voters to challenge. The time in line to vote in the Buckeye State was long enough without stopping play with the 'challenge flag' in these precincts. Political parties need to confine their activities to nominating candidates, building platforms, holding campaigns, fund raising, and leave the challenging of voters to the registrars, supervisors of elections, and poll workers in the counties.

Another example of political parties behaving badly involved the Nader campaign. The Democrats fought tooth and nail to keep Nader off the ballot in almost all states. They took the Nader attempts have equal access to the ballot to court taking Nader's time and money away from the campaign fearing that a few people might choose to vote for him rather than Kerry. The Republicans also behaved badly on this issue by paying Republican operatives to collect signatures and funneled early money into the Nader campaign in order to encourage his candidacy hoping it would hurt Kerry. The Clarion Issue believes that all legitimate candidates should have access to the ballot; however, we also feel that if realistic Nader supporters wanted him on the ballot it is their responsibility to gather the appropriate number of signatures and to provide adequate financial support to their candidate.

President Bush, his administration and his campaign often hurled the labels of 'unpatriotic,' 'treason,' and 'terrorist' at individuals and organizations that disagreed with his policies. Bush's Secretary of Education called the National Education Association, a national teacher's organization, a terrorist organization because they did not support some phases of his education legislation. Bush often accused Kerry of aiding the enemy in the War on Terror because of Kerry's criticisms of the way Bush conducted the War in Iraq. Labeling criticisms of the war in Iraq is not unpatriotic, nor is it aiding and abetting the enemy. An individual can support the troops, wish them well, hope for their ultimate success, pray for their safety, and at the same time question the policy which sent them into harm's way. Many American citizens, including members of Bush's administration and top military officers, have criticized aspects of the way the war was fought. Theodore Roosevelt once said, "To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public." According to this statement by one of the most noted Republican Presidents of the last century, it is Pres. Bush who committed the treasonable act, not his opponent!

The media discussion and partisan critics of both parties need to be 'whupped with a knotted plow line' for the stupidity of the coverage and criticism of some events in the campaign. The fact that Cheney received a flu shot was covered and debated again and again. Vice President Cheney has had several heart attacks and surgeries that certainly qualify him for a flu shot so why all the coverage? However, had Cheney had to get up at 4:30 a.m. to get in line at a drug store to receive one when the store opened at 9:00, it may have made him a little more empathic to the plight of many Americans who need a flu shot but find them unavailable. Another overplayed event was Kerry's hunting trip. Kerry is a sportsman, and he hunts. However, it would have been nice to see the Senator clean the goose - 'cause Bubba, there's a heap of feathers on them thar birds!'

I personally observed several insulting signs posted locally that implied to vote Democratic was immoral or maybe even ungodly. A sign in front of local office on "Main St." said " No Morals, No Values, Gay Marriage OK? Vote Republican. Yet the sign failed to mention that when the US Senate, which is controlled by the Rep. Party, had an opportunity to move on Pres. Bush's 'protection of marriage amendment' they voted not propose the amendment by a procedural vote. Of course to many Americans morals mean a consistent adherence to the concept of what is right. An individual needs to look no further than to Tom Delay, the Republican from Texas who serves as Majority Leader for the US House of Rep., to question the Republican Party on the morals issue. In October Delay was censured twice by the House ethics committee for bribery and misuse of his office. Delay accepted from bribes by participating in and facilitating an energy company golf fundraiser for his leadership political action committees (PACs) at The Homestead resort in June of 2002 just before a crucial vote on an energy bill. A look at gas prices over the last two years makes any American question the morals of this Republican leader and his political action committee. The Speaker was also censured for his abuse of power when he used his influence with the FAA to track down the Democratic opposition leaders who left Texas during their boycott of the Texas Legislature during the Republican strongarm gerrymandering of Texas congressional districts. Today Delay and his political action committee is under investigation for political money laundering through his political action groups that funneled millions of dollars to Republican congressional candidates.

People in Camden County were also insulted by the sign on Highway 40 that declared 'One Nation Under God, Vote Republican on November 2nd.' Maybe if the sign read 'Kerry is a Tax and spend liberal, vote for Bush- he spends but does not tax' would have been more 'fair and balanced.' It seems that millions of Americans have joined the ranks of the Godless by voting democratic on Nov.2nd.

The Bush campaign refused to allow nonrepublican voters into Bush political events, even the ones held outside. Prior to the Presidential visit in Jacksonville, Florida, I received an e-mail notice that the event was open to anyone who wished to come see and hear the President. The e-mail indicated that all you needed to enter Alltel Stadium was a driver's license. I asked a friend, and major Kerry supporter, if he really believed that everyone would have access to the event, and we both expressed skepticism. Sure enough, the next day a follow up email said more or less - oops, you will need a ticket to get in. Do we really want or need political leaders who are afraid to face the American people? If Bush was not afraid of the American people, why did he refuse to speak to the NAACP convention early in the campaign?

In an email poll taken by CNN news commentator Lou Dobbs during the last week of the campaign, the nation was asked, "Do you intend to support the winner of the election." A surpassing 69% of the people responding said no. It is no surprise that Americans did not intend to support the winner; because, most Americans feel that the political parties of today do not represent the bulk of the American people. Americans see the Republican Party as a party of the wealthy and extreme right, and they feel the Democrat Party is controlled by the left. Americans also feel that no matter who wins, our elected officials are more influenced by special interests, large corporations, and political ideology rather than the reality of daily life in middle-class America.

Political parties now have too much control over elections, nominations, access to the ballot, and the political debate on major American issues. Political parties are extra-constitutional, and the Founding Fathers (or Founding Persons to be politically correct) hoped to avoid them altogether. If the vast majority of moderate American voters (and most voters on Nov. 2nd claimed to be) want to be heard, the power of the parties must be curbed. The 2004 election proved that the parties are behaving badly and the American political system is suffering from their nastiness and obtuse behavior. Santa is sure to deliver all the party dignitaries burnt peanuts and switches for Christmas. But it is up to the American people to find a solution and bring about real change in America's political process.

SPECIAL EDUCATION FUNDING AND CONCERNS IN THE 21ST CENTURY

By Hampton Blount

In dealing with the subject of funding special education there are a myriad of angles and perspectives that must be addressed. We must view the federal aspect of funding. We must view the grave fiscal impact on local districts. We must explore the personal costs to the individual families. Special education is funded by a combination of these entities. Some social critics would suggest special education is not funded by combination of these entities.

In discussing funding of special education all discourse must begin with the Individual’s with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). This act guarantees access to appropriate education to every student in the United States; regardless of disability. This means that no matter how challenging a student is to serve in a meaningful way, the local school system must endeavor to provide the best possible opportunity. That does not mean placing a student in the most appropriate existing program. If a program that could reasonably be expected to service a particular student does not exist the local school system must create it. If this means contracting with private education firms to meet a particular student’s needs or paying for an unusual therapy the local school system must make it happen.

So while the IDEA is broad and all encompassing in the demand it places on local school systems it is much less comprehensive in providing funding. When IDEA was initially passed, a goal of forty percent was stated. This meant that the federal government would work towards reimbursing local districts for forty percent of the additional costs in education special needs students. The reality of IDEA has been considerably short of the ideal. The true report would place IDEA spending at a consistent fifteen to twenty percent. In essence IDEA while brilliant and essential in many ways falls under the heading of “under funded federal mandate.”

Over the last several years there have been many colossal confrontations in the United States Senate over the idea of adequately funding IDEA. One of the most closely followed breaks in the Senate occurred over conflicts related to IDEA funding. Vermont Senator Jim Jeffords left the Republican Party in 2001. While Jeffords had many moderate viewpoints that frequently placed him at odds with his republican contemporaries, the preverbal straw that broke the camel’s back proved to be Jeffords tenacious insistence on adequate IDEA funding. Jeffords was one of congress’ principal authors of the 1975 version of IDEA. When President Bush’s final budget request for 2001 included $200 billion in tax cuts and a decrease in “real” money, Jeffords knew it was time for him to part with the GOP.

Many critics have cited this critical lack of funding behind the mandate as the central difficulty various states face in putting together their educational budgets. New Hampshire for instance, has no income tax or sales tax; schools are principally paid for on the basis of property tax. This places property taxes on a $100,000 house at more than $6,000 a year. The governor of New Hampshire cites the federal government’s under funding of IDEA as a decisive issue in many communities. New Hampshire was also the home of a radical illustration of the tragedy that the federal government is consistently under funding IDEA. In Nelson, New Hampshire a small school district with a total educational budget of $700,000 became a lightening rod. A student with autism and schizophrenia required more than $200,000 a year in services. Town officials sued the state for reimbursement. Eventually the state of New Hampshire agreed to pick up the tab for students whose educational cost exceeded three and a half times the state average.

This short fall in a required program means that some entity will have to make up the difference. The burden falls first to state governments. With increasing deficits and decreasing revenue, the lack of federal funding for special education has been an especially difficult burden. Oklahoma serves as a good example to the precarious position state governments find themselves. With a five percent deficit facing Oklahoma lawmakers in 2003, they were forced to make a variety of difficult decisions. Pre-collegiate education was cut by 56.3 million dollars. Much of this cut came from special education programs. For instance, 5.6 million dollars was saved by closing down all the state regional educational centers. These centers served local districts in identifying students needing special education intervention. The legislature also trimmed an $842,000 program that provided specialized testing for difficult to assess students. Another million dollars was removed from the budget that would have provided service to the homebound students. Also significant was the trimming of staff development money by fifty-four percent. So while the state provided less assistance in local district’s efforts to comply with IDEA the requirements remained the same. If these programs must exist and the federal government does not pay for them, and state governments cannot pay for them, it remains that local systems will have to pay for them.

Another state that illustrates these tenacious problems is California. The State legislature in California has dealt with three consecutive budget deficits. When the flow of cash is constricted this seriously there is an inevitable effect of every priority needing to be justified. While some priorities have well healed champions, IDEA funding seems to be underrepresented when the legislative pie is being divided.

According to the National Education Association’s website the average cost for educating a student is $7,552.00. The average cost for educating a special education student is $16,921.00. This is a $9,369.00 per student difference. That difference in cost adds up to a ten billion-dollar shortfall for local districts.

This creates the fore mentioned difficulty. If a system is required by federal law to fund a variety of programs with inadequate assistance from the government, instant conflict and difficulty is created for the local district.

The economic impact on local districts is well exampled by Connecticut’s East Lyme School District. The cost of this district’s special education programs for the 2003 school year was $900,000. Between state and federal funding the district received $540,000. This left a relatively small school district attempting to find $360,000. The district solved the problem by implementing a variety of cost saving measures. The district instituted a hiring freeze, abolished the fourth grade music program, and stopped purchasing new textbooks.

The final entity that must pay whatever special education costs have not been paid by the various governments is the actual family unit of the special needs child. It is estimated that about ten percent of US households have a child with some level of special needs.

The Pacer center, a Minneapolis based group that serves in an advocacy capacity for special needs students and their families, asserts that six and one-half million students in the United States of America are diagnosable for a special need. This adds up to a lot of families studying best options.

While the ability of individual families to make up short falls and the cost of education varies greatly, a consistent fact is the tremendous hardship it frequently is. It is not uncommon for parents of students who suffer from autism to spend tens of thousands of dollars on Applied Behavioral Analysis treatment (ABA). This therapy is frequently not reimbursed by insurance. Often time’s school districts don’t consider it a part of a reasonable effort at education even though it has been proven highly effective. The only alternative left to parents is to pay for the treatment themselves. A full year’s ABA treatment regiment can cost $30-50,000. One can easily imagine how this could wreck a family’s finances. Currently only two states, Massachusetts and New Jersey have catastrophic childhood illness relief funds. This plan allows families to qualify for help if a child’s unreimburseable medical expenses exceed ten percent of a family’s gross income.

In his article, “Special needs, crushing costs,” Gunther outlines the history of Larry and Joni Jones. The Jones’ have two sons with Asperger Syndrome. They spent $200,000 in out of pocket expenses for a wide variety of treatments and therapies for their children. This is in addition to the hundreds of thousands of dollars the local school system kicked in each year.

In another article on the burdensome costs of special education to families called Special Needs, Crushing Costs, Gunter explains several strategies to help ease the financial burden for the families of special education students. The first idea that Gunter proposes is prescriptions. Gunter suggests that you get some medical or mental health professional to write a prescription for every treatment and or therapy you will utilize. Insurance companies are less inclined to decline a course of action that was suggested by a Dr. than one that was “prescribed” by just a parent.

The next idea that Gunter suggests is to have your insurance company assign a permanent caseworker to handle your particular situation. Many people report finding this to be more efficient than catching a new rep up to speed with each and every call.

The third idea that Gunter puts forward as a way to simplify life for the families of special needs students is to apply for a Medicare waiver. In special instances when expenses are ridiculously high the government has a program in place to waive the regular requirements of Medicare. The final idea that Gunter offers is to carefully maintain a clear record of all of your child’s medical expenses. If the total exceeds 7.5% of your income then you are permitted to deduct said amount from your federal income.

A logical approach to solving the funding issues involved with education would be the abolition of state Departments of Education. It would be a preferable system for all taxing on behalf of education to be done at the federal level. Local and state governments would collect no money for education thus they would dispense none. Local districts would exist to operate the local schools but funding would not be their concern.

A formula should be put in place that provides a certain amount of funding for each student. Special needs students would necessarily receive more funding for the district than regular educational students. Funding would be removed as a differentiating factor in various school systems. Every individual school would be funded fairly based on the number of and the characteristics of the students at said schools. This method would also be beneficial in that it would make taxation less confusing. Currently a portion of an individual’s property tax, a portion of their state income tax, and a portion of their federal income tax all fund education. Under the new method every citizen would pay a federal education tax. There would be less confusion about what tax was supposedly paying what government service.

Of course there would some details to work out. First of all, some areas of the country are more expensive than others. In addition to the base formula the government would also have to employ a “cost of living index” for education. It costs more to give a student the same education in New York that could be had for less in Alabama. This would have to be considered. The second and more fatal difficulty facing this approach to educational funding would be the idea of state’s rights. It is altogether unlikely one would find a single state eager to give up control of educational funding to the Washington bureaucracy. I suspect this sort of idea would be laughably absurd to a great many conservative and moderate politicians. While the sort of complete change to the way education is funded seems unlikely some change in inevitable. The current system is a patchwork of various policies that leave grievous gaps.

For more information see:

Crowley, M. (2001). Switch Hit [Electronic version]. New Republic, 225,13-14.

Galley, M. (2003). Special Education Bears Brunt of State Aid Cuts [Electronic version]. Education Week, 23, 26.

Gutner, T. (2004). Special Needs, Crushing Costs [Electronic version]. Business Week, 3885, 94-97.

Sack, J. (2001). Spec. Ed. Costs Can Be Taxing For Districts [Electronic version]. Education Week, 19, 1-4.

Shreve, D., Smith, S. (2003). Debunking the Myths of Special Education [Electronic version]. StateLegislatures, 29, 19-21.

An Alexander County Deputy pulled a car over on I-57 about 2 miles north of the Missouri state line. When the Deputy asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Branson to do a show that night and didn't want to be late.

The deputy told the driver juggling fascinated him, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket.

The driver told the deputy that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The deputy told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his squad car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler stated that he could, so the deputy got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.

While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the squad car, a drunk got out and watched the performance briefly, he then went over to the squad car, opened the rear door and got in.

The deputy observed him doing this and went over to his squad car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, "Might as well take me on to jail, there's no way I can pass that test."

A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly...he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

FLUMONIA- Any aliment that includes any one or any combination of the following symptoms: Headache, cough, sinusitus, achy muscles (like before ya gotta mow the grass), runny nose, hangnail, sore throat, fever, upset stomack, diarrhea, or the fear of your in-laws visiting. Cures for the Flumonia include: Contact, Cold and Flu drops, Alke-Seltsir Plus, Theraflumonia, Nyquil, or two shots of Jack Daniels. Southerners prefer to combine a half bottle of Nyquil and four shots of Jack Daniels.

AMMONIA- 1) Any illness similar to Fulmonia. 2) A liquid substance that sits in the kitchen cabinet used to clean windows when your in-laws threaten to visit.

ENOCQUELATION (e/nock/que/la/tion)- What happens when ya get a flumonia shot. You become enocquelated which means you ain't gonna get the flumonia.

THE JACK DANIELS STRAIN OF THE FLUMONIA- Southern for a hangover. The remedy is to drink fluids like two more shots (2 & ½ oz) of the dog that bit ya and more bed rest. This strain of Flumonia often strikes groomsmen, best men, and grooms the morning after the Bachelor party.

EXPONDING- When a medication seems to be working, as in, "He's exponding well to them two shots of Jack Daniels."

REVIVEATATED (re/vive/a/ta/ted)- To come back to life or back to one's old self, as in, "He reviveatated after he exponded to them two shots of Jack Daniels."

Charlene: "Hey Bubba. Why ya home from work so early ? It's only 1:00."
Bubba: "Gosh darn Charlene. I feel like I done come down with the flumonia."
Charlene: "What's yo symp/tems Bubba."
Bubba: "I got ah headache, cough, runny nose, sore throat, and ah fever. I kinda got
an upset stomack too."
Charlene: "Well, here's some Alke-Seltsir Plus and Caster Oil. If'en ya don't
expond to that I'll run out to three mile still and get ya some white lightin'. I
show nuff want ya well."

Linda Lou: "What ya a studyin' in school Patsy Joe?"
Patsy Joe: "We's a learning 'bout the trail of tears. Over 5,000 Cherokees died
when they made 'em march from Tin/a/see to Oak/lee/homer in 1837."
Linda Lou: "What'd they die of?"
Patsy Joe: "Our teacher said a heap of 'em died of ammonia."
Linda Lou: "Yeah, that thar ammonia was ruff as a cob before them ante/bionics
and enocquelations came about. Bless their hearts."

Slim: "Hey Billy Ray! Ya seen Goober? He's 'bout to be late for his thud weddin'
and that gull's a waitin' at the church."
Billy Ray: "I think ol' Goober got's the Jack Daniels strain of the flumonia. He was
pretty lit up when his buddies had him in that cage last night a drivin' him
through town. They took ol' Goob to the car wash and washed him and waxed
him. I think he's exponding to the harry dog they gave him though. He should be
reviveatated by the cer/re/mony though. I think they gave him a double.
Slim: "He better start exponding and get himself reviviveatated. That gull's daddy
is the preacher and he'll be lettin' loose them snakes if 'en she gets stood up.
Billy Ray: "I think ol' Goob has enough ante-venom in him that Pastor Lim's
snakes ain't a gonna bother him today!"

"Listen, I understand water. I grew up in Midland, Texas. You know how much water we didn't have there."
Pres. George W. Bush

No, it is not a new drink made with tequila and Lone Star beer. Two active-duty U.S. Army personnel from the Army's 232nd Medical Battalion stationed at Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio, Texas, were arrested on Sunday, October 10, 2004, around 5:30 p.m. for having sexual intercourse near a public viewing area in the Alamo. Police reports indicated that an 18 year old woman and 19 year old man were naked from the waist down when tourists spotted them having sex in an area of the historic site which is open to tourists. Several visitors reported seeing the activity and reported it to an Alamo security officer.

Witnesses pointed out the oblivious couple to the Alamo Rangers, who found the couple naked from the waist down. Police soon arrived and arrested were Matthew Hotard and Kristine Nissel. The pair was charged with public lewdness, a misdemeanor and released on $800 bond each. Alamo Director David Stewart told reporters that, "This is sacred ground. It's kind of like doing it in a church."

The Alamo is the major shrine of Texas Independence and commemorates a major battle fought there in February-March 1836 at the start of the War for Texas Independence. In that battle, 185 men, including William Travis, Jim Bowie, and Davy Crockett, held out for almost two weeks against a much larger Mexican force led by General Santa Anna. In the end, all the defenders were overwhelmed and massacred by the superior Mexican force. The heroic defense of the Alamo allowed Texas time to form a government and raise an army that eventually defeated Santa Anna and secured Texas' Independence.

The Alamo, which is located in the heart of downtown San Antonio, is the most popular tourist attraction in Texas. The Alamo was originally a Spanish mission built to convert the Indians of Texas to Christianity. The official name of the mission was the Mission San Antonio de Valero, but when the Mexican Army stationed a group of soldiers from the town of Alamo in the mission, locals began to refer to the buildings as "the Alamo" and the name stuck.

The most infamous example of Alamo desecration occurred in the 1980's, when rock star Ozzy Osbourne urinated on the Centotaph, a monument to the men who were killed at the Battle of the Alamo. The Centotaph was erected in front of the Alamo in 1936 to mark the battle's centennial. The incident got Osbourne barred from performing in San Antonio for twenty years.

Perhaps the sex, jail time, fine, and publicity will help Nissel and Hotard 'Remember the Alamo' for a long spell.

On November 10, 2004, a federal grand jury returned an 18-count indictment charging former state school Superintendent Linda Schrenko, 54, with stealing over $600,000 in federal education funds. Schrenko, a Republican, became the first woman elected to partisan statewide office in 1994. She pleaded not guilty to all 18 counts on Nov. 15, and was released on a $40,000 bond.

According to the indictment, about half of that money went to Schrenko's failed bid for the Republican nomination for governor in 2003, and about $9,300 also was spent on comestic surgery for Shrenko. The government is seeking the return of at least $614,387 of the alleged stolen funds.

Merle Temple, the state's former deputy superintendent and Schrenko's gubernatorial campaign manager, and Stephan Botes, the owner of a computer consulting company, were also indicted in the embezzlement conspiracy. About $250,000 of the roughly $614,000 was funneled from the companies to Schrenko and Temple and to Schrenko's campaign through cash payments, wire transfers to an account in Bermuda and other disguised transactions.

Federal prosecutors indicated that Schrenko directed the Department of Education to issue more than $500,000 in checks, in amounts just under $50,000 each, the maximum Schrenko was authorized to issue, and about $250,000 was funneled from the companies to Schrenko and Temple and to Schrenko's campaign. Schrenko allegedly directed the state Department of Education to issue more than $500,000 in checks on July 24, 2002, to companies created by Botes. A large portion of the stolen money was to have been used for computer services for the Atlanta Area School for the Deaf, the Georgia School for the Deaf, and the Gov.'s Honors Program.

Authorities say Linda Schrenko had filed for bankruptcy about a year after she helped steal $614,000 in federal education money. According to court records, Schrenko and her then-husband filed for bankruptcy Oct. 27, 2003, claiming $70,000 in credit card debt and thousands more in medical bills. In the bankruptcy filing, the couple listed $232,644 in liabilities and $172,615 in assets, including their home that accounted for $150,000. Schrenko, who was a longtime teacher and served as Ga. State School Superintendent from 1995 to 2003, listed a state pension of about $48,000 a year.

Schrenko's attorney, Pete Theodocion, said Schrenko suffers from physical problems from an automobile accident, and her bankruptcy shows several debts to doctors and hospitals. Among them is a $10,000 to a mysterious "Dr. Cooper." Her biggest debts, however, were on credit cards. According to the bankruptcy records she owes American Express $6,727; BB&T was owed another $47,622; BP Amoco $1,429; Macy's $1,087; and SunTrust $10,703.

Schrenko said very little during the hearing, except when asked about medications she is currently taking for injuries sustained in the car accident. Theodocion has said she also suffers from neurological and back problems. Schrenko told Presiding Judge Joel Feldman, ''I have a prescription I take every day.'' After seeing a list of the prescriptions, Feldman asked Schrenko if the medications would interfere with her ability to understand the proceedings. Schrenko replied, ''No, sir.'' One of the conditions set by the judge for bond was for Schrenko to be seen by a drug treatment officer to determine if Schrenko has a drug dependency. Schrenko lost her driver's license earlier this year after she twice blacked out behind the wheel and ran off the road. Schrenko also agreed to turn over a gun she owns to her daughter Katherine Cooper, a dentist, within 24 hours of the proceedings.

A spokesman for Republican Gov. Sonny Perdue, said: "It's always troubling when public officials are accused of wrongdoing. This is part of a nonpartisan process which will ultimately lead to a decision by the courts."

Democratic Party Chairman Bobby Kahn said the Schrenko indictment is part of a pattern of Republican abuses in state government, citing an ethics complaint pending against the governor over his campaign finances. Kahn also cited a $14,000 ethics fine levied against Senate Majority Leader Bill Stephens of Canton for sloppy accounting of campaign funds. According to Khan, "It looks to me like the new Georgia is a lot like the old Louisiana."

One individual interviewed by the Clarion Issue on the breaking story said, " It's a shame when a public school official steals money from poor children, but it's a whole other issue when they steal from poor blind and deaf children. I thought the Republicans were supposed to be the party of values, morals, and the Bible. Stealin' ain't in my Bible. No sir."

Schrenko has been criticized before for her handling of money. In 2003, she was fined $5,000 for failing to account for nearly $20,000 in campaign funds. The State Ethics Commission said Schrenko failed to file four campaign disclosure reports during her tenure as superintendent and in her unsuccessful 2002 campaign for governor.

Theodocion said Schrenko denies all the allegations against her, and he does not expect a trial date before next year.

East Feliciana Parish Sheriff's Office officials reported finding thousands of dollars in a beaver dam on a creek in eastern Louisiana during a search of the area on Nov. 14, 2004. The money was part of at least $70,000 taken the week before from the Lucky Dollar Casino in Greensburg, about 30 miles northeast of Baton Rouge, Louisania.

According to Maj. Michael Martin of the East Feliciana Parish Sheriff's Office the bills were still whole and stuck in the dam. Apparently, the beavers had found a bag of bills stolen from a casino, tore it open and wove the money into the sticks and brush of their dam.

Deputies had searched for the money for days before an attorney called with a tip that the money had been thrown into the creek. The deputies found one money bag right away and the second was downstream, against the beaver dam. After trying unsuccessfully to find the third bag in the deep water near the dam, the deputies began to break down the dam to release some of the water so they could search in a shallower pool. That was when they saw the dam's expensive wallpaper. Deputies eventually found the third sack, which still had some money left in it.

Sheriff Ronald "Gun" Ficklin of St. Helena Parish, where the truck stop video poker casino is located, has accused a security guard at the casino of disabling its security cameras and being the inside person on the casino job. Jacqueline Wall, a 25-year-old employee, was booked with felony theft. She originally told investigators a ski-masked gunman made her help him empty all the casino's safes, then kidnapped her, knocked her out and left her in an uninhabited area in East Feliciana Parish. The case was solved later in the week when most of the money was recovered in Mississippi.

All accounts indicate that the casino people were elated to get the money back, even if some of it was 'laundered.' No charges have been filed against the beavers, though their home was ransacked by the search. At this time no one from PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) or the ACLU has offered to take the beavers case to court.

In September 2000, the Clarion Issue published its first issue. The first issue concerned the upcoming election between George Bush and Al Gore. It also contained Clarion Issue features such as "Cluny's Corner, A Dog Gone Look At The World," "Music Reviews," and "Quotable Quotes." From the humble three-page original issue, the Clarion Issue has grown into a major source of news and opinions for its home base in Camden County, GA, and to many in the South, who read it on the web.

Today we estimate that 1500 people read each issue of the Clarion Issue. Since the counter was placed on the web issue it has received over 10,000 hits, at least 400 per issue. At this time we would like to thank all our readers, both hard copy and web readers, as well as our advertisers who make the Clarion Issue a reality.

The Clarion Issue is the official newspaper of Southern Domains, a major southern web site that will develop into a major web linking tool and portal around the South. The Clarion Issue archives are housed at Southern Domains and can be accessed from the Clarion Issue web page at the site. At this time the web site offers clicks to web links from portals such as Southern Real Estate and Southern Banking. The site hopes to expand into new web portal areas in the near future.

The Clarion Issue attempts to deliver political, social, and economic opinions from a broad perspective. We believe in a free people, free press, and feel that the best way to defend the first amendment is by belief in and adherence to the second amendment. We feel that in any election all votes should be counted and that all political parties should have free, open and honest access to the ballot. We hope people will feel free to vote their conscience and insist that the only wasted vote is the one that is not cast. We also feel that a true separation between church and state is necessary in America to protect members of all faiths as they go about their public lives. The Clarion Issue welcomes new staff, letters to the editor, and views and opinions from a vast political and social spectrum. We may not agree with all views, but we feel that they have a right to be expressed.

The Clarion Issue is published at least six times a year. You can reach us at apearson@ClarionIsh.com or at researcheditor@yahoo.com to send a letter or article (be sure to include your name and phone number).

We are the Clarion Issue, "Counter Editorials and Opinions on Current Events and Attitudes," and once again, we thank you for your support.

Police in Gainsville, Ga., arrested 35-year-old Kevin Daniel Dodds on Friday October 29, for disorderly conduct and campaigning outside a polling place during the last day of early voting in the North Ga. town.
The incident began earlier in the day when Dodds' wife came to vote with an infant child dressed in a Kerry-Edwards shirt. Poll workers asked Mrs. Dodds to turn the child's shirt inside out so she could remain and vote, but the mother refused and left. Later that day, Kevin Dodds went to the polling place saying he would protest the baby shirt matter. A police report said Dodds stood outside the polling place dressed in a Kerry T-shirt and George Bush mask, screaming, using foul language, and refused requests to take off his mask.

Dodds was charged with obstruction of an officer and disorderly conduct. Gainesville police indicated that Dodds had been drinking before the incident. Ga. law prohibits campaigning within 150 feet of a polling site, and signs outside polling places explain the law. Voters are prohibited from even wearing campaign stickers or buttons for any candidate.

Dodds was also charged with the unusual crime of wearing a mask. A Georgia law, inspired by actions of the Ku Klux Klan, makes it illegal to wear masks except on "holidays and special occasions." The charge is seldom invoked.

The charges against Dobbs are all misdemeanors, punishable by up to a year in jail and a $1,000 fine.

Elvis, the pet alligator to many residents of a Sarasota, Florida, neighborhood, was the victim of a knife attack sometime during the nighttime hours of October 30th and 31st. Kathy Munkelwitz, a neighborhood resident, first reported the assault when she took a walk along the pond where Elvis lived and noticed a knife handle sticking out of the water. A closer observation revealed there was a knife embedded in Elvis' head.

Munkelwitz said, "I saw a knife and I thought, 'Well, what is that?' I had no idea. I got a little closer and all of a sudden, I realized it was Elvis with a knife sticking out of the top of his head." Florida State wildlife officers were called to the scene and trapped the alligator. They found Elvis was badly hurt and suffering so gravely that he had to be euthanized.

According to residents around the pond, Elvis had lived in the pond for several years and that the five-foot alligator had never hurt anyone or anything. They indicated that Elvis did not even attack the ducks that landed in the water on the pond.

Wildlife Conservation Agents are now looking for the person that stabbed Elvis. They say hurting or killing an alligator is a third degree felony and conviction of the offense could mean jail time.

Kentucky's Republican US Senator Jim Bunning survived a strong late challenge from his Democratic opponent Daniel Mongiardo, a state lawmaker and physician, to win a second Senate term on Nov. 2nd. Bunning, a major league baseball pitcher, was elected in 1998, but his 2004 campaign was filled with errors, gaffs, and personal attacks that caused many to question the incumbent's mental fitness. Bunning is 73.

Bunning, who is an ex-pitcher and is in the Baseball Hall of Fame, drew criticism after an October statement that he did not know about the Army Reserve unit that refused an order to deliver fuel in Iraq. Kentucky reservists were involved in the incident and were threatened with courts martial for their role in the refusal to obey orders. He said that he didn't read newspapers and that he gets all his news from Fox television. Earlier in the race Bunning said Mongiardo looked like one of Saddam Hussein's sons and refused to apologize until a debate on Oct. 11. Soon after the debate it was revealed that Bunning 'cheated' during the debate by using a teleprompter to make a closing statement. After the debate, Bunning accused Mongiardo staffers of making his wife "black and blue" by jostling her during a political picnic, a charge which Mongiardo denied.

Bunning also refused to take responsibility for Republicans campaigning with him who implied that Mongiardo is gay by calling him "limp-wristed" and a "switch-hitter."

On the day prior to the election Bunning admitted that he had not run a perfect campaign. "The only time I've ever been perfect was for about two hours in 1964," he said in reference to the perfect game he pitched for the Philadelphia Phillies against the New York Mets in 1964.

During his reelection campaign, Bunning has gone to great lengths to avoid the press, according to reporters in Kentucky, who said his campaign office is slow to return phone calls, if the campaign returns them at all. One Kentucky reporter indicated that Bunning is "incredibly gaffe-prone." The reporter added, "When he got into office, he adopted this testy persona," and it has gotten worse with age. The "testy persona" makes Bunning a real draw for reporters and their cameras.

Bunning's difficulties with the press go back to his major-league career in the 1950s and '60s. "He was as arrogant as they come, a nasty, difficult interview," wrote Sandy Padwe, a sportswriter who covered Bunning's perfect game in 1964. Padwe added that Bunning "thought he was smarter than any writer and treated many writers that way."

The final figures showed a close race. Jim Bunning recieved 871,276 votes for 51 percent. Daniel Mongiardo got 847,980 for 49 percent.

It is the latest craze in New York. For the mere cost of $30, hundreds of people are flocking to cuddle parties to touch and embrace others in intimate gatherings. Sponsors and guests insist that it's not about sex and all about the touchy-feely experience of snuggling up to strangers wearing pajamas. The grab fests are started in New York City in February and are a big hit with the lonely, alienated souls in the big city.

The rules are clear. The PJs stay on the whole time and participants are reminded of rule number seven: "No dry humping." In case things get a little too steamy, a small chime is kept on hand and a cuddle referee can and will ding any unnecessary actions of a participant. Before the cuddling begins, it is struck several times so everyone gets the message. Cuddle fest creators Reid Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski indicated that, "We've never used it," and added that sexual arousal does occur but that participants shouldn't be turned off or scared by the arousal.

The idea for cuddle parties loosely came about after Mihalko, a masseur, began giving massages to other masseurs. "It started out as a joke," said Baczynski. "Now we talk about cuddling all the time. It's just been amazing." Curiosity is a big driver for people who attend cuddle parties. Baczynski indicated that, "It is a better way to meet people than going to a bar, getting drunk, and spending the night with someone just because of the need for some affection." Mihalko and Baczynski agree that the cuddle parties are really about communication rather than any type of therapy.

The first rule is that the pajamas must stay on and sex is not permitted. Participants team up into pairs and, to ensure the boundaries of what is permissible are clear, they rehearse saying "no" to "May I kiss you?" Then an introduction to cuddling ensues, first by hugging three people. People then get in a circle on their hands and knees, rub shoulders, and moo like cows. After a bit of swaying, everyone falls to their side, which puts them into an easy cuddling position.

Cuddle parties are intended for people who are emotionally sound. People in therapy or who are seeing a mental health professional are asked to consult their doctor before signing up for a party and to tell the organizers of their situation. (The Clarion Issue wonders what happened to Doctor-patient confidently.)

The cuddle parties have been successful. One repeat customer, who called herself a born-again Christian, said it was good to cuddle up to another person, albeit a perfect stranger, after a hectic week. She said, "I felt good. I had a particularly stressful week." She indicated that friends had warned her that the parties would be nothing more than thinly disguised preludes to sex, but she dismissed those worries as alarmist and unfounded.

One man described himself as very introverted, and said he thought the parties would help him relax with strangers and help him express his feelings. Another male patron left the party soon after the event began. When asked why he said, "I just could not take the mooing. Then when they rang that bell, I felt like Chuck Barris was gonging my cuddling!"

I don't think he would mind us saying that. The comedian, author, actor, and philanthropist died on October 5, 2004, following complications from heart valve replacement surgery. His funeral at Los Angeles' prestigious Westwood Memorial Park was an elaborately decorated event and held at dusk, the time in keeping with his habit of having no appointments before 5pm.

Rodney Dangerfield died at age 82. He is best known for his self-deprecating humor and his anxious appearance. His catchphrase, "I don't get no respect" was a household expression. During his career he mastered stand up comedy, acting, writing, comedy albums, and even had a minor pop hit song, "No Respect".

Rodney Dangerfield was born Jacob Cohen on November 22, 1921. He began writing jokes when he was 15, keeping them in a bag and pulling them out to read to his friends at school. Later in life he explained he got into comedy and show business for recognition, something he says he missed growing up. He traveled a comedy circuit as Jack Roy for 10 years but gave up comedy for marriage and an income as an aluminum siding salesman. He described the next ten years of his life as struggling until 1961, 40 years old and divorced, he returned to comedy. He became Rodney Dangerfield. Soon he became popular and a regular on Ed Sullivan, the Tonight Show, and the Dean Martin Show. In the 1970's the public acceptance of his racy humor improved, and he became even more popular with frequent appearances on Saturday Night Live.

His first popular movie, "Caddyshack" was successful in the box office and now a classic comedy. In 1981 he won a Grammy for his comedy album, "No Respect." He continued to have popular comedies such as "Easy Money" and my favorite, "Back to School". All the while his nightclub act sold out major concert halls, his comedy albums were all gold, and he was drafted to host a popular young comedians' special for several years on HBO. In 1994 he played an alcoholic incestuous father in Oliver Stone's "Natural Born Killers." In 1994 he received a Lifetime Achievement Award from the American Comedy Awards. One set of Rodney's signature white shirts and red ties is on display at the Smithsonian Institute.

Along with Rodney Dangerfield, the world also said goodbye to actor and advocate Christopher Reeve on October 10, 2004. Reeve became a famous actor until a near-fatal riding accident in 1995 turned him into a worldwide advocate for spinal cord research.

Reeve was born in 1952. He began his acting career in the theater at an early age, studied drama at Cornell University and New York's prestigious Juilliard School, and moved on to daytime TV in the 1970s. Reeve was selected to star in the four "Superman" movies in the late 1970s and 1980s. His other films included "Somewhere in Time" (1980), "Deathtrap" (1983), "Street Smart" (1987), "The Bostonians" (1984), "Switching Channels" (1988), and "The Remains of the Day" (1993).

Reeve was severely injured in a horseback riding accident nine years ago. He was paralyzed and confined to a wheel chair but never gave up hope for a better life. He became a spokesman for the disabled and stem cell research. He also founded the Christopher Reeve Paralysis Foundation that continues research in many areas concerning spinal cord injuries.

Reeve is survived by his wife, Dana, and their three children. He also had two children from a previous relationship.

The Clarion Issue expresses condolences to the families, friends, and fans of these two great entertainers.

SCIENTIST REVIVE 1918 FLU STRAIN

US Scientists working in top-security labs say they have recreated pathogens from the 1918 flu pandemic, the greatest plague of the 20th century, in a bid to find out why this strain was so extraordinarily lethal. Using reverse genetic engineering, the team took two key genes from the 1918 virus and slotted them into human flu viruses to which lab mice were known to be immune. The mice were injected in the nose with the recombinant viruses and died within three days. Post-mortems on the mice showed the virus had rampaged through their lungs, producing inflammation and hemorrhaging characteristic of the symptoms induced by the 1918 outbreak.

Scientists believe that the disease leapt to humans by mutating from bird flu, possibly after passing through pigs, which are able to harbor both human and avian viruses and thus allow them to swap genes as the viruses reproduce. For that reason, experts are deeply concerned that the avian flu that has broken out in poultry flocks in parts of Southeast Asia may acquire genes that will make it highly infectious as well as lethal for humans.

Experts say that 20 million, and perhaps as many as 50 million people, died in the 1918-1919 pandemic of the so-called "Spanish flu," the highest toll of any disease in the last century. The strain was especially lethal for healthy young adults, killing many of the battle hardened World War I troops who had survived the torturous rigors of trench warfare. The 1918 flu seemed to skip the very old and the very young, which is unusual for the influenza virus. The Spanish flu infected up to a billion people, half the world's population at the time.

While the Clarion Issue recognizes the need for research and understands that the labs are secure, we wonder if the world really needs to resurrect this Frankenstein flu virus, especially at a time when the Bush administration can not provide adequate flu shots for the American people.

As a high-risk (transplant) patient the editor of the Clarion Issue had to visit the Michael Jackson web site and order up a winter's supply of masks and gloves to protect himself from the flu. Meanwhile young Congressmen and women, as well as younger congressional staff workers, are provided with the immunization needed by less healthy and less influential Americans.

Surely we need to keep the 1918 Spanish flu genie in its bottle!

'COCAINE KITTY' RAPE CHARGE NOT NORMAL FOR NORMALVILLE

On October 21, Tracie Lee Grimm (29) of Normalville, Pennsylvania, was charged by state police with criminal solicitation to commit rape, recklessly endangering another person, identity theft, stalking, and two counts of criminal use of a communication facility. The charges stemmed form Grimm's attempt to lure men via the Internet to the home of another woman who they were instructed to rape.

Pennsylvania State Police indicated that Grimm posed as the victim of the intended rape in an Internet chat room using the name 'Cocaine Kitty 2003.' In the chat room she solicited men to have sex with her nemesis a 58-year-old resident of Champion, Pennsylvania, who was not identified.

Grimm told the men she contacted in the chat room "to appear at the victim's residence and rape her when she opened the door." She provided the victim's name, address and telephone number. The victim received more than 100 telephone calls from men across the United States and Canada. At least five men showed up at her door, "usually about 2 or 3 in the morning."

State Police Trooper Thomas B. Broadwater, who "chatted" with Grimm on line twice during the investigation indicated that Grimm "expressed very graphically what she wanted me to do to her." Police identified Grimm through a detailed investigation involving Yahoo, an Internet search engine, and a local Internet service provider.

Broadwater said the two women have known each other for about 10 years, and he added that Grimm "is absolutely obsessed with the victim." Grimm was arrested in April 2000 on charges of disorderly conduct, defiant trespass, and two counts of harassment. She pleaded guilty in August 2000 and was sentenced to probation for one year and ordered to undergo evaluations. Broadwater said no one really knows why Grimm is so obsessed with the victim.

A judge remanded Grimm to the Fayette County Prison in lieu of $50,000 bond. The trial of 'Cocaine Kitty 2003' is expected to appear on the Fayette County Judicial Calendar next year.

BACK DOOR DRAFT CHALLENGED IN COURT
VET RECALLED AFTER 13 YEARS

Hawaiian resident David Miyasato, a veteran of the first Persian Gulf War, is suing the Army after it ordered him to report for duty 13 years after he was honorably discharged from active duty and eight years after he left the reserves. Miyasato received word of his reactivation in September, but says he believes he completed his eight-year obligation to the Army long ago. His federal lawsuit, filed on Nov. 5th in Honolulu, seeks a judgment declaring that he has fulfilled his military obligations.

Miyasato said, "I was shocked. I never expected to see something like that after being out of the service for 13 years." Miyasato enlisted in the Army in 1987 and served in Iraq and Kuwait during the first Persian Gulf War as a petroleum supply specialist and truck driver. He received an honorable discharge from active duty in 1991, then served in the reserves until 1996 to fulfill his eight-year enlistment commitment.

The 34 year old Miyasato was scheduled to report to a military facility in South Carolina in early November but has received an administrative delay for up to 30 days. His lawsuit states that Miyasato is not suing because he opposes the war in Iraq but because his business and family would suffer "serious and irreparable harm" if he is required to serve. Miyasato, his wife, Estelle, and their 7-month-old daughter, Abigail, live in Lihue, Hawaii, where he opened an auto-tinting shop two years ago.

The Army announced last year that it would involuntarily activate an estimated 5,600 soldiers to serve in Iraq and Afghanistan. Army officials would be tapping members of the Individual Ready Reserve, military members who have been discharged from the Army, Army Reserve or the Army National Guard, but still have contractual obligations to the military.

Miyasato said he never re-enlisted, signed up for any bonuses or was told that he had been transferred to the Individual Ready Reserve or any other Army Reserve unit. He indicated that, "I fulfilled my contract. I just want to move on from this, and I'm optimistic that I'll be successful." Miyasato speculated that he may have been picked because his skills as a truck driver and refueler are in demand in Iraq. He told reporters he did the same work as that done by a group of Army reservists who refused to deliver fuel along a dangerous route in Iraq during October.

ST BERNARD DOGS FIND THEIR JOBS OUTSOURCED

The once proud St Bernard dogs, who prowled the snowy Alpine passes with barrels of brandy around their necks looking for lost travelers in distress, are finding pink slips attached to their kennels this year. While no record exists of when St. Bernards first started rescuing people, they are credited with saving some 2,500 travelers over the past 200 years near the St. Bernard Pass on the border with Italy. Today, however, the heavy and expensive to feed breed is being replaced by helicopters, heat sensors, and more efficient modern technology.

According to Brother Frederic, a spokesman for the Order of the Brotherhood of St Bernard, "At first, and even at the beginning of the (20th) century, they were very useful. But in 1955, there came the helicopter," which had limited room for the large dogs. By 1975, the last time one of the dogs was used on a mission, they had mostly been replaced at rescue scenes by smaller, speedier golden retrievers and German shepherds.

St. Bernard established a hospice at the summit of the St Bernard Pass, which is 2,470 metres above sea level, in the 11th century as a refuge for travelers and formed a community of monks to help rescue avalanche victims. Large mountain dogs have been a part of hospice life since the mid-17th century, providing the brothers with company and protection as well as being deployed to rescue travelers lost in the fog and snow. The monks say the first dogs were probably a gift from rich local families to their predecessors. The dogs could pick out narrow and treacherous paths in blizzards that disorientated even the native monks.

The St. Bernard breed has great stamina, an extraordinary sense of smell and hearing, and double fur coat covering a heavy layer of fat that made it ideal for the job in the Alps. The dogs saved numerous lives during Napoleon's famous trek across the Great Pass in 1800. The St. Bernard's fame subsequently spread throughout Europe and became the symbol of rescue and solace. 'Barry,' the most famous St. Bernard, lived in the monastery from 1800 to 1812, and helped save more than 40 people. To this day, at least one dog at the hospice is always called Barry in honor of the legendary dog.

Now these legendary working dogs are finding themselves out of work. With their jobs outsourced to modern technology they find themselves on the international auction block. The dogs often weigh 220 pounds and eat up to four and a half pounds of meat a day. They will be sold to new owners willing to bring their charges back to the hospice for the summer, when tourists are eager to see the living symbols of Switzerland, and ensure the breed is continued. "They're not being sold to just anyone. All that is changing with the dogs is the ownership," according to Pierre Troillet, president of the Swiss St Bernard Association. Troillet added that the dogs were no longer kept on the pass during the winter and they had not rescued anyone in over 40 years.

When asked what he will say to tourists that ask why the St Bernards' jobs were outsourced one monk replied, "I'll just say that we had to outsource the job because downsizing a St Bernard was a genetic impossibility!"

Authorities northern India are expressing grave concern about one of the four minarets of the Taj Mahal. The minaret, or tower, is leaning about 21 cm or eight inches away from the actual monument. Shah Jahan built the Taj Mahal in the 17-century as a monument to his young wife. The foundation of the 350-year-old monument to everlasting love is currently being threatened by the drying out of the Yamuna River, whose water pressure has helped support the mausoleum.

Archeologists note that all the minarets were built to tilt slightly away from the building to prevent them from falling on the structure during an earthquake: however, today, as the Taj Mahal celebrates its 350th birthday, one of the towers has began to lean dangerously. The other three towers have also begun to lean, but not as dangerously as the tower causing concern.

The dangerous tilts in the minarets were first noticed in 1940s during surveys taken by the British who ruled India at that time.

Historian and former vice chancellor of Agra University Agam Prasad Mathur said the Yamuna riverbed must be filled once again to prevent the minarets from tilting further. Mathur added that, "The foundation of the Taj Mahal is laid on a hillock and is based on wells underneath which require moisture from the Yamuna river. Regular flow of water in the Yamuna is a must and the river needs to be full to maintain the monument's balance."

The Yamuna River begins in the Himalayan Mountains and is considered one of India's two sacred rivers along with the Ganges River. The source of the Yamuna River is Saptarishi Kund, a glacial lake. The main reason the river is considered sacred is because it was connected to Lord Krishna, believed to be one of the incarnations of the major Hindu god Vishnu. Today industrial and agricultural use, along with flood controls, has reduced the amount of water in the river that originally supported the base of the Taj Mahal.

The Taj Mahal was given a facelift two years ago to remove decades of grime and pollution stains in preparation for the celebrations to mark the 350th anniversary of the construction of the monument.

The Taj Mahal, or Crown Palace in Urdu, stands on a marble platform in the city of Agra surrounded by ornamental gardens. A delicate white minaret stands at each of its four corners providing a perfect balance to the building that is adorned with arabesque inlay work of semi-precious stones. Islamic Mughal emperor Shah Jahan built the monument in memory of his second wife, Empress Mumtaz Mahal, who died in childbirth. It took more than 20,000 laborers, most of who were conscripted for the job, over 20 years to build the mausoleum. The Taj Mahal, with its beautiful dome, minarets, gardens, and reflecting pool, is felt by many observers to be the most beautiful building in the world.

Around 2.2 million Indians and 800,000 foreigners visited the Taj Mahal last year.

A. Fasting to death
B. Eating poisoned mushrooms
C. Killed by a Hindu mob
D. Froze to death while meditating
E. Fell off a horse
F. Killed by a rock slide/avalanche while teaching in Nepal

Answer B. A good friend fed the Buddha a meal inadvertently containing poison mushrooms. The Buddha was around the age of 80 at the time of his demise.

TO PLACE YOUR TOWN’S EVENT ON THE SOUTHERN CALENDAR
Email the information to: apearson@ClarionIsh.com